Omniscient narrator with personality

[Legendary Sidekick]

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by this.

I tend to see imagery vividly when I read. Not always, but if the narrative's working for me, the image is rather clear.

So what I mean is I had a mental picture of the character—of grass getting stomped on—and of the character getting pushed down onto the ground. The funny thing is NOW I see him as a rat-person, but he's still wearing the same vest and glasses as when I pictured him human. He doesn't look much different as a rodent.

 

[Gryphos]

I tend to see imagery vividly when I read. Not always, but if the narrative's working for me, the image is rather clear.

So what I mean is I had a mental picture of the character—of grass getting stomped on—and of the character getting pushed down onto the ground.

Ah, I see. Very interesting.

The funny thing is NOW I see him as a rat-person, but he's still wearing the same vest and glasses as when I pictured him human. He doesn't look much different as a rodent.

How strange. Because Jonwick is a squirrel, and the story is populated entirely by animals, including rats, no less. I posted the first chapter in the Showcase, in case you were interested.

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

Oh! It must be that you were talking about writing animal people that gave me that imagery. Cool, and yes, I'll check it out (later since students will infest enter my room in 3 minutes).

 

[Addison]

I don't think such a narrator will be jarring. I'm not saying this because I'm using it. I'm saying it because I'm reading a book which employs this narrator and the book, and following books, have done very well.

The book is "Bad Unicorn" by Platte F. Clark. One such line where he shows his personality is: "There was a reason jujitsu was used by the powerful Samurai warriors of old- it worked.....But Sarah didn't flinch, and that was saying a lot."

There's a lot more but I'm only a few chapters in right now. So it can work, just make sure the parts where the personality show s through matches the tone and voice of the story leading and leaving that moment.

 

[Gryphos]

I'm reviving this thread because I've recently revived this project and I've come to another instance of peculiar narration which I'm curious as to whether anyone would have a problem with.

Perhaps part of it was that Jonwick was weak, which might not be entirely fair to say. True, he was regularly drowned out in group conversation and had about as much of a commanding presence as (insert witty comparison here).

I'm referring to the "(insert witty comparison here)". I wrote that originally because I couldn't come up with something appropriate at the time, but the more I think about it, the more I like just leaving it as it is. But I dunno, what do you guys think?

 

[Svrtnsse]

It might work if you have used, or will be using, similar constructs in other parts of the story. If it's the only instance, it may be a bit out of place. I think the main thing to consider is whether it fits with the rest of the narration.

Other examples:
- Heavy as a really heavy thing.
- It was just one of those things.
- Or something like that.