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The Best Critique I Ever Got

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Noma Galway, Mar 13, 2014.

  1. Noma Galway

    Noma Galway Archmage

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    I wrote a scene once where a mother was talking to her daughter before she died (the mother died, not the daughter). I didn't quite get the dynamic right. She asked the daughter to kill her, told the daughter her death would be painful, and then told her to run. This was one of my crit partners' reactions:

    "(WHAT KIND OF SELFISH, SELF-CENTERD, CRUEL WITCH IS HER MOTHER!!?!!?!!?!!?!!?!! YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M GLAD SHE’S DYING BECAUSE HER HEART IS A BLACK AS SATAN’S AND SHE ONLY WOULD HAVE RUINED POOR NOMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE THAT CARES FOR SOMEBODY ELSE WOULD PUT THEM THROUGH SOMETHING SO TRAUMATIC AND SCARRING!!!!!!!! SHE’S AN EVIL, SELFISH MOTHER! UGH, SHE DOESN’T EVEN DESERVE THAT TITLE, THE PIG!!!! PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU DO NOT ASK YOU TO HURT YOURSELF. A MOTHER SHOULD PROTECT, NOT HARM, HER DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!! WHAT’S WRONG WITH HER!!?!!?!!? GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) "

    I would like to point out that my other crit partner said nothing about this scene and totally accepted it. I figured this would be the place to share this story.
     
  2. The Blue Lotus

    The Blue Lotus Auror

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    Eh, IDK I have a pact with a friend if either of us becomes a burden to our families we will rent a boat, grab a 5 gal bucket and a bag of quick set cement. Head out somewhere between here and Cuba and take care of business.

    I can see how this might upset some people, but I'm of the opinion that these are the same people that wage war to prevent abortions and all kinds of other things.

    What we do, how we do it and where we do it etc. is no ones business, but our own. I wish I had a family member I could ask to end it for me should it get to that point, but I don't. I have a friend and that will work.

    What is more selfish, asking someone (The daughter) to end things quickly and without more pain or forcing her to take care of you and watching you slowly slip away? Of the two the second option is much more painful for everyone involved. Anyone who has had to watch someone die a slow painful death knows how traumatic it is. I'm fairly sure that they'd not wish to do that to someone they love. Dogs and cats have enough sense to find a small hiding place to hide away until the end away from the people and other critters that they care for and care for them.
     
  3. Noma Galway

    Noma Galway Archmage

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    Well, this was a violent death and the daughter was 8...that was the problem my crit partner had with this. I understood her issue, it's just that comment was beautiful. I do agree with you that the first option would be less painful for everyone were that the case, though.
     
  4. T.Allen.Smith

    T.Allen.Smith Staff Moderator

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    Kinda funny... Sounds like you had a little clarity issue on who was dying. At least you invoked emotion. That's something on its own.
     
  5. Caged Maiden

    Caged Maiden Staff Article Team

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    I had a similar situation when I was desperate for a way to connect some events. I decided one MC could simply kill his father for some betrayal and the story would work. But one of my crit partners pointed out that anyone who would kill his own father over even the gravest betrayal... is a troubled character. More troubled than I intended him to be. Needless to say I listened and found another way to connect the events together. I'm really grateful my friend didn't allow my stupidity and desperation to run away with me on that one.

    That being said, sometimes it's hard as crit partners to wholly disagree with how an artist sees their story. If I don't like something a character does, I try to mention it... but it's up to the author to really decide on their own vision and try to realize it. We all have different sensibilities.
     
  6. The Blue Lotus

    The Blue Lotus Auror

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    Oh well my comment dos not fit within that context then.

    Umm, In that case I'm inclined to agree with the original crit.
     
  7. Noma Galway

    Noma Galway Archmage

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    Yeah...I changed it. I rewrote that scene completely.
     
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