Thought-speech between character with multiple personality

[Zero Angel]

Hello all,

I follow the (pretty standard) convention that directed thoughts are described with italics.

For example, I could say,

He thought that she was really pretty,​

or I could say

She's really pretty.​

Anyway, my WIP of the week features a character that, basically, has multiple personality disorder. What I've taken to doing is having the "dominant" personality think in "small caps" where every letter is capital but lowercase letters are smaller.

SHE'S REALLY PRETTY.​

While the confused, going insane, tweaking out personality still speaks in the standard italics.

I'm pretty sold on the idea and I think it works, but I am curious how annoying it comes off to some of you (or if it would be annoying).

Also, occasionally the personalities merge and at those times I do both formats:

SHE'S REALLY PRETTY.​

 

[JadedSidhe]

I'm not big on the all caps. People are conditioned to read lower case letters, so the all caps, even small ones can be jarring.

Are there perhaps precursors to the personality changes and mergers that would give the reader a clue to the change?

 

[JCFarnham]

You know, I really love the idea. I've seen plenty of books who play with typesetting like this. You need to make doubly sure it stays in the text when it comes to others type setting the work (if you traditionally publish it, otherwise disregard this.)

I might be eeird in this, but I like the thought that I might not pick up on whose thoughts I'm getting at any one time (That vagueness can despite contemporary belief be a great artistic tool. Then again maybe what you're after is just telling a good story and not offering value past that). The MPD thing should be confusing after all. Maybe the personalities get more and more like each other and lines blur...

Hmm I could really see myself having fun with this if I were writing it. Good luck.

 

[Steerpike]

Yes, you can do all kinds of creative things with the text. Keep in mind, though, that a lot of editors and authors will tell you never to use italics for direct thoughts. For many it appears to be a big no-no. I mention it here because you could do one set of thoughts in a standard non-italicized form and the second set in italics.

 

[Zero Angel]

You know, I really love the idea. I've seen plenty of books who play with typesetting like this. You need to make doubly sure it stays in the text when it comes to others type setting the work (if you traditionally publish it, otherwise disregard this.)

I might be eeird in this, but I like the thought that I might not pick up on whose thoughts I'm getting at any one time (That vagueness can despite contemporary belief be a great artistic tool. Then again maybe what you're after is just telling a good story and not offering value past that). The MPD thing should be confusing after all. Maybe the personalities get more and more like each other and lines blur...

Hmm I could really see myself having fun with this if I were writing it. Good luck.

No, I definitely agree. At first, I hope, the reader might mistake the all caps for emphasis. The italics personality mistakes them for his own thoughts after all. It is a surprise to him when his thoughts start disagreeing with him or take control of his body. When they strongly agree and the font formats merge I hope people get tingles or chills...if not on the first read-through, then hopefully in the second.

I'm not big on the all caps. People are conditioned to read lower case letters, so the all caps, even small ones can be jarring.

Are there perhaps precursors to the personality changes and mergers that would give the reader a clue to the change?

Not really. I mean, it starts with the character being terribly sick, and in the course of the sickness the italics personality loses control. But I want it to be a surprise. I'm surprised at the all caps prejudice though. This is generally how comics are written and this is actually my normal handwriting.

Yes, you can do all kinds of creative things with the text. Keep in mind, though, that a lot of editors and authors will tell you never to use italics for direct thoughts. For many it appears to be a big no-no. I mention it here because you could do one set of thoughts in a standard non-italicized form and the second set in italics.

Even in fantasy? I thought we got a pass. I don't like when direct thoughts are presented without some sort of offset, but I appreciate the suggestion.

 

[Ireth]

I'm surprised at the all caps prejudice though. This is generally how comics are written and this is actually my normal handwriting.

I've only seen a few stories that have characters' dialogue purely in all caps or small caps (Harry Potter's angry rants don't count). The most prominent example in my mind is Death in Terry Pratchett's Discworld books, whose typeface is supposed to represent a deep voice with ominous echoes or something to that effect. I've also used all caps for the voice of Eru in a LOTR fanfic I wrote years ago, because I decided that as the supreme deity, His voice was too huge and important to be hemmed in by measly quotation marks. XD

 

[Penpilot]

I say give it a go and see if it works. But for me all caps equates to yelling. It would take a real adjustment to read the text as something other than yelling. To play a little devils advocate, shouldn't the voices and thoughts of the different personalities be distinct enough to tell who's who on their own without the tricks?

 

[Steerpike]

Even in fantasy? I thought we got a pass. I don't like when direct thoughts are presented without some sort of offset, but I appreciate the suggestion.

I see it more in fantasy than elsewhere, but even in the genre I've talked to a few editors who don't want to see it. One author/editor who is now retired told me it is the immediate hallmark of an amateur. Personally, I don't agree (even though I don't use that technique in general). I mention it only because it is always good to be informed about such biases in the industry. Apparently, the most recent editions of the Chicago Manual of Style say not to use italics for such purposes, so if you are submitting a manuscript somewhere that wants you to adhere to the Chicago Manual, then you know not to use them for that submission, and so on.

The subject is probably worth another thread.

 

[Zero Angel]

I say give it a go and see if it works. But for me all caps equates to yelling. It would take a real adjustment to read the text as something other than yelling. To play a little devils advocate, shouldn't the voices and thoughts of the different personalities be distinct enough to tell who's who on their own without the tricks?

Yes absolutely, but I wanted to also get the feel of the "voices" in the font itself. I guess it's the comics influence in me. I still remember reading Spawn and Venom and seeing their speech bubbles done differently and going, "Oh that's cool!"

Also, you feel small caps is that way also? I can understand all regular caps LIKE SO, but LIKE SO to me just looks like normal writing. It's also how I formatted the headers in the print version of my book =P

I see it more in fantasy than elsewhere, but even in the genre I've talked to a few editors who don't want to see it. One author/editor who is now retired told me it is the immediate hallmark of an amateur. Personally, I don't agree (even though I don't use that technique in general). I mention it only because it is always good to be informed about such biases in the industry. Apparently, the most recent editions of the Chicago Manual of Style say not to use italics for such purposes, so if you are submitting a manuscript somewhere that wants you to adhere to the Chicago Manual, then you know not to use them for that submission, and so on.

The subject is probably worth another thread.

Not that I care about convention, but always good to know! Thanks! I generally will describe things, but I feel more of a connection to a character if I can actually "read their thoughts" and when you allow things like telepathy, I think it is almost necessary. It's a visual cue as opposed to forcing people to just know what you are talking about or having so many "intros/outros" for your "thought-dialogue".

The use of italics and quotation marks in that last non-dialogue, non-thought "normal" sentence was entirely on purpose.

 

[FatCat]

I think it could be done well, it's an interesting concept. At the same time, I'd imagine the voices make the character pretty confused, maybe it would be good to confuse the reader a bit as well. Internal arguments all in the same italics, struggling against each other, would be fun to read, but I don't think I'd need you to hold my hand to understand what is going on.

 

[Zero Angel]

That's an interesting idea too. I kinda' want to make the reader more confused, but at the same time I try to portray the "italics" character as thinking the "small caps" character is just his base instincts.

I'm almost finished with the story. I'm going to send it in to some horror lit magazines and if I don't have any luck self-publish on Kindle (no Nook--sorry! KDP Select is too beneficial for $0.99 short stories in my opinion).