To describe or Not to describe

[Trick]

I have a question that combines writing technique with pure opinion as a reader. My MC is a thief preparing to do his first job for a crime organization. At the end of one chapter he heads off to his stash of tools to do something that "will need a few hours of my attention." At the beginning of the next chapter he's exhausted as he waits to meet his handler. I quickly sum up what he accomplished in the interlude without too much description and then move to the action of the new chapter. I'm debating whether i should instead end the previous chapter with him actually doing the work that I skimmed over.

He has a laser saw, amply described and explained previously in the book, and he both steals another one and makes a few modifications that allow him to use them for climbing. I'm a mechanical designer so I can go anywhere from vague to ridiculously detailed on the process he uses but I thought that would be boring. What he does is very cool (okay, maybe only to nerds/tinkerers) and I even have some great imagery and somewhat frightening near misses in mind for the scene.

I'm just not sure if writing it is a waste of time. So, would you be dissappointed as a reader if I glossed over it? And as a writer, how do you handle avoiding overdone scenes that may only be exciting to you while the reader skips pages?

Thanks!

 

[teacup]

I suppose for me it will depend on what the work is. Or is "both steals another one and makes a few modifications that allow him to use them for climbing" the work that he does in the skip?

Generally, I prefer little description, but when it's necessary or used to good effect, more description. Since you first chose to leave it out, I'll assume it's not necessary. I think that unless the thing that he did in the skip is very interesting and/or adds to the story or character in a way that the sum up of it did not, then consider writing it in full. I'm not sure what it is he does in the skip, so I can't say what I'd prefer. Though I would probably prefer it if you summed it up and got on with the plot (assuming that the thing summed up isn't too important to describe or show in better detail.)

Maybe posting the excerpt and the end of the previous scene on showcase would help?

 

[BWFoster78]

Obviously, no advice on writing should be taken as gospel, but I've found the following advice from Make a Scene by Jordan Rosenfeld to be quite helpful. He says that, in order for a scene to be worthy of inclusion into your story, it should do all of the following:

o Introduce new information
o Relate to the significant situation
o Build upon last scene
o Involve, inform, or affect the protagonist
o Make the reader feel more clued in
o Move forward in time

Does your proposed scene accomplish all those objectives?

 

[skip.knox]

As a reader, I'm not going to mind what you leave out because I won't know it existed. The only adjustment to that statement is that if I were your dedicated fan, and if in previous books you gave such detail, then I'd probably miss it in volume 2.

Did you ever read The Sand Pebbles? We get a fairly detailed description of the engine room. This could have been boring, but it's essential because the MC's relationship to the engine is central to the book. Moreover, it's not just one excruciating description and done; rather, the author returns again and again to various aspects of the engine and the MC's thoughts about it. He repeatedly contrasts the reliability and straightforwardness of machines with the absurdities and fickleness of human beings. In other words, it doesn't just make sense, it's indispensable.

To put it another way, and more succinctly: if it can be left out, leave it out. Write only the essential words.

The annoying thing about that advice is I never know what's essential, which is what you were asking. Essentially. The only way I have been able to determine this is to write the danged thing then see how it goes. The one reason why I continue to undertake this wasteful activity is because sometimes--only sometimes and never predictably--I discover things about the character or the setting or the plot that I would not have otherwise. Even if, in the end, the scene never makes it into the book.

 

[Penpilot]

Everything should have a purpose, especially description of a technical scene. What's the purpose of inserting this detailed descriptive scene? Does this advance the plot, build on the world, show character? If you can justify it's existence then great. If not, don't bother with it.

 

[Svrtnsse]

This is quite similar to the issue debated in a thread I posted in the showcase forum the other day: http://mythicscribes.com/forums/showcase/11647-morning-after-459-words.html
That scene is basically about my MC waking up, being hungover and going back to bed again. As has been pointed out in the thread it lacks tension and it doesn't move the story forward and should be cut (though I'm yet to make up my mind about that).

EDIT: I'd suggest checking out the thread and the feedback I got on it. It might give you something to consider before deciding on whether to write the tinkering or not.

I'm debating whether i should instead end the previous chapter with him actually doing the work that I skimmed over.

If you have the time to spare, go for it. If it doesn't fit or if it doesn't get as good as you wanted you can cut it out later. The advantage of this is that - like skip says - you may learn something new and interesting about your character that you didn't know before.
The disadvantage is that it may be a pointless waste of time.

He has a laser saw, amply described and explained previously in the book, and he both steals another one and makes a few modifications that allow him to use them for climbing. I'm a mechanical designer so I can go anywhere from vague to ridiculously detailed on the process he uses but I thought that would be boring. What he does is very cool (okay, maybe only to nerds/tinkerers) and I even have some great imagery and somewhat frightening near misses in mind for the scene.

What you're mentioning here has some potential for using the tinkering to tell things about the character and add some personality to them. How is he tinkering and what does that tell us about him? Is he meticulously detailed and lovingly careful or is he whacking away at it while cursing and muttering? Does he cut his finger and scar himself in a way that might make him identifiable later. Is there some piece of equipment he's personally fond of?
Could there be some malfunction with some piece of the equipment that could potentially come back and haunt him later? The saw might be acting up and even though he fixes it there's the potential it might act up again - at the worst possible moment. Even if it doesn't it's still something for him to worry about.

I think you could probably make the tinkering interesting for the reader, but you would probably have to add something else going on along with the tinke

I'm just not sure if writing it is a waste of time. So, would you be dissappointed as a reader if I glossed over it? And as a writer, how do you handle avoiding overdone scenes that may only be exciting to you while the reader skips pages?

I write them anyway. If I enjoy writing them I don't feel that it's time well spent. I may still have to cut the scene later on if it's not good enough, but until I've written it I don't know that.

If you do think you might have to cut it, wait a bit - a week or two - before you make the decision. Whenever I finish a scene I tend to feel that it's awesome and I love it, regardless of whether it actually is or not. A few days/weeks later I've distanced myself to it and while it's still annoying to have to cut it out, it's no longer that big a deal.

 

[Trick]

I suppose for me it will depend on what the work is. Or is "both steals another one and makes a few modifications that allow him to use them for climbing" the work that he does in the skip?

Yes, he significantly modifies a tool that he has used before and that will now make him a legend because they make his thefts seem like magic.

o Introduce new information
o Relate to the significant situation
o Build upon last scene
o Involve, inform, or affect the protagonist
o Make the reader feel more clued in
o Move forward in time

Does your proposed scene accomplish all those objectives?

I can honestly say that is does all of those things, I'm not sure that it would do so any better than the summed up version though.

The annoying thing about that advice is I never know what's essential, which is what you were asking. Essentially. The only way I have been able to determine this is to write the danged thing then see how it goes.

I may just do that. It's not that I have time to spare, per se (I should be working right now) but I think I want to write it.

I think you could probably make the tinkering interesting for the reader, but you would probably have to add something else going on along with the tinkering....

I write them anyway. If I enjoy writing them I don't feel that it's time well spent. I may still have to cut the scene later on if it's not good enough, but until I've written it I don't know that.

I agree, I could make the tinkering scene worth reading. I've already shown the MC to be mechanically inclined and interested in making and fixing things (he's still young so there aren't too many accomplishments in this area as of yet). This will eventually build up to him making a robot which is common in his world but not among his people so it's important. That scene is a must have. I guess I'll write this one and judge it with my 20/20 hindsight.

 

[BWFoster78]

If it does all those things, you're probably better off including it. Summarizing is best used to relate an event that the reader needs to know has occurred but doesn't advance the plot. Since your scene advances the plot, you're probably better off showing instead of telling.

 

[Trick]

If it does all those things, you're probably better off including it. Summarizing is best used to relate an event that the reader needs to know has occurred but doesn't advance the plot. Since your scene advances the plot, you're probably better off showing instead of telling.

It only 'advances the plot' because it shows how his remade tool works. It does this (in my mind at least) in an action filled way and the tool is important to the plot (in the extreme, depending on whether or not I stick with my planned resolution scene). I will have other opportunities to show the tool in it's new functionality later so I'm still debating.

 

[Julian S Bartz]

I think there is something to be said about hinting at him remaking the tool, and then revealing what he has done later on, when he is using it. Personally unless the manner of his remaking/altering it is particularly exciting, I don't mind not reading about it.

However it could be cool for you to hint at him doing something revolutionary and then later on, as he uses it, revealing his modifications. This way you can include the descriptions within the action.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

If it were me I'd write it out for two reasons. First, if you don't need it, you can cut it later, or even portions of it.

Secondly, writing out bits like these often helps other parts of the writing ( those which relate to these sorts of concepts) because they'll read with more texture. They'll seem more real. It's like the effect well written character backgrounds have on making the characters feel like actual people to the reader.

Don't worry about wasting time. No writing effort, performed in earnest, is ever wasted.

 

[Addison]

With this type of description it's always a battle. In a fantasy if you describe the magic, how it works the this and that needed to make this happen, then you've taken the wonder out of it. The story is suddenly full of complicated processes, not magic. Sci-Fi is kinda the same way.

Like Star Wars, the books and movies. We don't need to know the meticulous technology that makes light sabers. We don't need to know the combustion and energies that make the warships move in general and move to hyper drive. So long as you describe the type of technology (radio wave, radioactive, nuclear, laser etc) How it feels in their hands, what it sounds like, how it smells and what it does. Just cover the basics and trust in the readers that their imagination will fill in the blanks.

 

[Trick]

With this type of description it's always a battle. In a fantasy if you describe the magic, how it works the this and that needed to make this happen, then you've taken the wonder out of it. The story is suddenly full of complicated processes, not magic. Sci-Fi is kinda the same way.

Like Star Wars, the books and movies. We don't need to know the meticulous technology that makes light sabers. We don't need to know the combustion and energies that make the warships move in general and move to hyper drive. So long as you describe the type of technology (radio wave, radioactive, nuclear, laser etc) How it feels in their hands, what it sounds like, how it smells and what it does. Just cover the basics and trust in the readers that their imagination will fill in the blanks.

I agree and I don't want to over describe a process and function that will bore readers. However, I have been accused of under-describing things, leaving physical objects, that are unfamiliar to the reader, difficult to picture in the mind. I think I've found a way to get the same description that seems warranted into another part of the book where I won't need to add a scene simply for the sake of describing something.

 

[psychotick]

Hi,

It's not an either / or in my view. If it has value to the story it should be described. The issue is in how much detail.

What you've described can have value to the story in a couple ofways. It can help with your world building - which includes all the specialist your MC uses. The last thing you want is for somewhere further in the book for your MC to simply whip out a modified climbing saw(?) that you know nothing about as a reader, and then saving the day. You also don't want to be explaining it in detail at the point in the story where he's just pulled it out, because that will slow down the action.

The tool and its construction / use can also be used as a subtle way of telling the reader about the character. Why does he make the tool? - because its not available elsewhere thus making him a specialist by necessity? Or because he doesn't trust commercial tools as much as he does what he builds - thus making him a perfectionist? Or perhaps because if he bought it or got someone else to make it for him, the police mightthen find evidence of it - thus making him either paranoid or cautious?

It can add to the plot as well. If he makes one tool he makes many and that production process becomes part of his personal history and thus the plot. So it takes him four weeks to plan a heist because he has to take time to build what he needs. So he can't simply do a rush job.

It's all judgement and as the author it's your judgement that must decide.

Cheers, Greg.