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Need critique for a story synopsis

Discussion in 'Writing Discussions' started by Tilberin, Dec 8, 2020.

  1. Tilberin

    Tilberin Dreamer

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    In the world of nexus all beings strive to achieve one thing – enchance their souls and feed their divine spark to ascend beyond mortal flesh and join the ranks of the gods. Many a millenia have passed since the creation of nexus and yet to this day only four beings have succeded in this monumental task.

    To young James Quicksilver none of this matters. He enjoys a simple life following his usual routine. Sleeping, working and having fun with friends and hobbies until one day he is whisked away to a plane he has no knowledge of, thrust in the middle of an unforgiving world that would tear him apart should he make a single mistake, with a single goal – ascend to godhood or perish.

    Will he be able to achieve what millions have failed or will he succumb to this unforgiving realm? Only time will tell.

    Does it sound captivating? Rate it!
     
    Futhark likes this.
  2. Lynea

    Lynea Sage

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    Yeah, I like it dude. Get rid of the run-on sentence in the middle there and you’ll have a following of readers in no time :)
     
    Tilberin likes this.
  3. Tilberin

    Tilberin Dreamer

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    Thank you.
    Which sentence exactly?
     
  4. Tilberin

    Tilberin Dreamer

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    Thank you.
    Which sentence exactly?
     
  5. Tilberin

    Tilberin Dreamer

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    ah nvm i figured it out(y)
     
  6. Lynea

    Lynea Sage

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    “Sleeping, working and having fun with friends and hobbies until one day he is whisked away to a plane he has no knowledge of, thrust in the middle of an unforgiving world that would tear him apart should he make a single mistake, with a single goal – ascend to godhood or perish.”

    This one ^ It just needs to be broken up.
     
    Tilberin likes this.
  7. TJPoldervaart

    TJPoldervaart Minstrel

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    It defenitely sounds interesting! I'm immediately curious as to how people ascend, what impact this has on the world, who the four are that ascended before and why, and how James will achieve this.

    I'm curious to see where this story goes!
     
  8. Tilberin

    Tilberin Dreamer

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    Thanks for the interest. Sadly this story is still in its conceptual stage and will be a long time before your questions can be answered :p.
     
    TJPoldervaart likes this.
  9. Tilberin

    Tilberin Dreamer

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    I will be posting this story on royalroad, with a couple of early drafts.
     
  10. Spacebar

    Spacebar Scribe

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    Sounds a lot like a Chinese xianxia setting, where people cultivate their inner energy to achieve god-like powers. It's a pretty common setup in Chinese light novels and manhua. It's the type of story that focuses heavily on a single protagonist, so his characterization is of prime importance. Major lottery winners often end up more unhappy than happy. They didn't know what to do with a massive influx of wealth, and it ruins their lives. The same will be true of power in your character's story. If he doesn't earn it, he won't know what to do with it, and he may end up ruining himself by not knowing how to go from living as a normal person to being an ascending god.
     
    Mia likes this.
  11. Chris O'Brien

    Chris O'Brien Dreamer

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    Well, it certainly took my breath away, mainly due to long sentences. I've made some suggested changes below.

    In the world of Nexus, all beings strive to ascend beyond mortal flesh and join the ranks of the gods. Many a millenia have passed since the creation of Nexus and yet to this day only four beings have overcame this monumental task.

    To young James Quicksilver, none of this matters. He enjoys a simple: seeping, working and having fun with friends. One day, though, he's whisked away from it all.

    James finds himself thrust into the middle of an unforgiving world that would tear him apart should he make a single mistake. He has but one goal in his sights: ascend to godhood or perish.

    Millions have tried. Four have succeeded..."

    This isn't a synopsis per se. This is essentially the back cover blarb. A synopsis would minimally tell people about the story's process.
     
  12. Chris O'Brien

    Chris O'Brien Dreamer

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    Sorry, just realised how obnoxious I sounded without an emoji...
     
    Futhark likes this.
  13. Kittie Brandybuck

    Kittie Brandybuck Minstrel

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    Cool ideas! But how does he go to the other plane? Is it some sort of contest? Does he wake up there without any knowledge of what's going? Pls let me know, i rlly like your ideas!
     
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