BWFoster78
Myth Weaver
Here's the problem section:
As he continued walking, pondering how to ensure he woke before Lainey, he heard a voice behind him call out his name. Xan spun to find a young man struggling with a wooden cask perched on his shoulder. Sweat matted his red hair despite the coolness of the morning.
“Dylan! What are you doing back? I thought you were gone for another two weeks,” Xan said.
Questions:
The scene is told from Xan's PoV. Is it okay to refer to his friend, Dylan, as a young man when Xan sees him? After all, Xan would immediately recognize him as his friend. I like the working in the description, but I'm not sure it makes sense.
Is it clear that the sweat matted red hair belongs to Dylan and not Xan?
Thanks in advance for the assistance.
As he continued walking, pondering how to ensure he woke before Lainey, he heard a voice behind him call out his name. Xan spun to find a young man struggling with a wooden cask perched on his shoulder. Sweat matted his red hair despite the coolness of the morning.
“Dylan! What are you doing back? I thought you were gone for another two weeks,” Xan said.
Questions:
The scene is told from Xan's PoV. Is it okay to refer to his friend, Dylan, as a young man when Xan sees him? After all, Xan would immediately recognize him as his friend. I like the working in the description, but I'm not sure it makes sense.
Is it clear that the sweat matted red hair belongs to Dylan and not Xan?
Thanks in advance for the assistance.
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