Writing a Good Pitch

[BWFoster78]

I'm entering Amazon's Breakthrough Novel Contest. 10,000 will compete; few will win. 80% of the entrants will be eliminated after only their 300-word pitch is read.

Perhaps I should spend some time working on my pitch.

I have some knowledge of how to write a good description, and I spent time yesterday reading through some pitches that made it through to the second round of last year's competition. Later today or tomorrow, I'll post my actual progress in the Showcase forum (please, please look for it; I need all the feedback I can get). For this thread, though, I'd like to discuss the overall strategy for what makes a pitch successful.

Here are my thoughts:

1. A good principle to keep in mind is that characters compel interest more than events. A pitch should focus on a character and how the story impacts him.

2. A character alone doesn't make a story. A pitch needs to introduce the significant situation.

3. The pitch is all about hooking the reader. You shouldn't give away the farm but, instead, introduce interesting questions that you promise to answer with your book.

I'm pretty sure about the first three. My thoughts are more nebulous about these next two:

4. Though you start with how the story personally impacts your character, your pitch needs to make clear that the significant situation has a much greater scope (I'm talking specifically about epic fantasy with this one. A literary novel may very well not have, or need, any greater scope.)

5. I think that a summation line at the end telling the reader the themes explored in the book might be a good idea. Something like: Power of the Mages is (genre) that explores the theme of...

My strategy right now is to cover all five of these points in the 300 words, devoting around 20% to each point, though I'd lump the first three together for a 60% total.

I really would love some feedback and discussion on this. I feel that my novel writing skills are reasonably strong (in that I can create a coherent story that doesn't completely suck), but I'm much less sure of my ability to draw interest using a 300 word summary.

Thanks!

 

[wordwalker]

Very impressive. My own rule of thumb was a mix of "goal, action, obstacle, arc" but your emphasis on character and just enough beyond it has me rethinking it all.

For different kinds of promotion, the other things I consider working in are references to the genre and similar books, the reader (eg "for anyone who's ever wanted to--"), or the writer myself (if there's any real-world experience that gives me cred with this, or in some non-pitch contexts a fun hint about how it was written). You didn't mention other books you'd written; where would you put that, maybe if it isn't a "breakthrough" contest?

The one thing I don't like is that point 5 seems incomplete, in that "theme" is showing rather than telling, or at least is only one of many words people could use for that kind of summary. Could you look for the principles under it, or at least a short list of other phrasings people might use? --I ask that because I think your piece is about to get copied and shared a LOT...

 

[BWFoster78]

You didn't mention other books you'd written; where would you put that, maybe if it isn't a "breakthrough" contest?

Or if I'd written other books?

Seriously, for an Amazon bookpage description, something like: From the award-winning author of Power of the Mages comes ???? and launch into the bit about the character would work. (Note: I didn't say what award I won, but I consider Ankari's Iron Pen 5 challenge to be enough to justify the adjective )

The one thing I don't like is that point 5 seems incomplete, in that "theme" is showing rather than telling, or at least is only one of many words people could use for that kind of summary.

I don't completely understand your objection here.

Kind of like it's important to tell in your description that the book is about more than just the struggle the character faces, I think it's important to tell the reader that the book addresses a theme. In the case of Power of the Mages, the overall undercurrent running through the book is power - it's abuses, who has it, how it's obtained, what it means, and the lengths people will go through to keep and to attain it.

I think that "theme" is the right word.

 

[Devor]

A pitch is about the takeaway. Once you've made your pitch, the other person should be able to understand and repeat the gist of it. You're trying to persuade someone to buy into your work, so you need to give them a concept they can hold on to.

Now, take a look at the above paragraph. I said the same thing three times. You probably didn't notice. But you probably got the point I was making. Do that in your pitch.

 

[wordwalker]

Kind of like it's important to tell in your description that the book is about more than just the struggle the character faces, I think it's important to tell the reader that the book addresses a theme. In the case of Power of the Mages, the overall undercurrent running through the book is power - it's abuses, who has it, how it's obtained, what it means, and the lengths people will go through to keep and to attain it.

I think that "theme" is the right word.

It's the direct match to what you're saying, but I see a lot of people looking at this and thinking it's the only word they can use, every time. Maybe I just hope the full version of this has a synonym or two, but I also wonder what other ways there are to sum up the story to show its larger significance: eg in some cases it might be more exciting to say "When an MC has been betrayed by his father, his troops, his people and his faith, how can he find..."

EDIT:

A pitch is about the takeaway. Once you've made your pitch, the other person should be able to understand and repeat the gist of it.

Nice.

So, finding a nutshell and positioning the rest to repeat or amplify that point? Any thoughts on what kind of point it should be (how simple? a catchphrase?) and how to play the rest off it?

 

[BWFoster78]

A pitch is about the takeaway. Once you've made your pitch, the other person should be able to understand and repeat the gist of it. You're trying to persuade someone to buy into your work, so you need to give them a concept they can hold on to.

Now, take a look at the above paragraph. I said the same thing three times. You probably didn't notice. But you probably got the point I was making. Do that in your pitch.

That's a very good point. Above all, I need to consider what I want the reader to take away from it.

 

[BWFoster78]

Maybe I just hope the full version of this has a synonym or two,

I'm really trying to generate discussion with this more than say, "This is how you do it." Maybe we can generate a summary at the end.

eg in some cases it might be more exciting to say "When an MC has been betrayed by his father, his troops, his people and his faith, how can he find..."

I think that this certainly works; it seems to me that it depends on the style and voice you're going for. At the moment, I'm leaning toward the clarity of (don't critique this yet; very rough version):

Power of the Mages is a character-driven epic fantasy that explores power - both its nature and its abuses. The lengths the (people in power - need a good synonym here) go through to maintain their hold on it is eclipsed only by the efforts of those trying to attain it.

 

[Struddles]

I really don't have much constructive knowledge to add to this but I just wanna wish you good luck

 

[ThinkerX]

I hope you are not one of the 80% here.

Rather, I hope you are among the 1% who makes it 'all the way' or close enough.

I have a vague suspicion you might be over analyzing things for your pitch here.

Consider this for a moment: What compelled you to write this book in the first place? What were your motivations? Try to come up with an answer that doesn't involve money...at least not immediately.

 

[BWFoster78]

I hope you are not one of the 80% here.

Rather, I hope you are among the 1% who makes it 'all the way' or close enough.

I have a vague suspicion you might be over analyzing things for your pitch here.

Consider this for a moment: What compelled you to write this book in the first place? What were your motivations? Try to come up with an answer that doesn't involve money...at least not immediately.

I get what you're saying, but my motivation really works only for me. I need to appeal to the broadest base possible.

 

[Anders Ämting]

A pitch is about the takeaway. Once you've made your pitch, the other person should be able to understand and repeat the gist of it. You're trying to persuade someone to buy into your work, so you need to give them a concept they can hold on to.

Now, take a look at the above paragraph. I said the same thing three times. You probably didn't notice.

Now look at your pitch. The pitch is now diamonds! I'm on a horse.

 

[MFreako]

Now look at your pitch. The pitch is now diamonds! I'm on a horse.

Well played!

 

[Addison]

A pitch is like a log line, so I've heard. The log line, or pitch whatever you want to call it, is what you put in a query letter between the "Dear So-and-So" and self introduction. A pitch must give the person no fluff, nothing to glamorize it if it doesn't cover the Who, Where, and why the reader should care.