Paragraphs, point-counterpoint, and more than two speakers

[Feo Takahari]

We're typically told that each new speaker requires a new paragraph. Thus, long conversations between two characters fall into point-counterpoint with a new paragraph for each, creating an enjoyable rhythm that resembles a tennis match. This is typically maintained with three or more speakers, ex.

“What’s a dream-ward?” a small voice asked. Not far up the slope, a muddy-faced little girl in a sackcloth dress peered down at them.

“How in the world did you sneak up so quietly?” Keith asked.

A few seconds later, Tabitha added, “Hiya, little gal. They call me Tabitha, and this is my big bro Keith. What’s your name?”

However, there are some cases when maintaining the point-counterpoint feel seems to require two speakers in the same paragraph, ex.

“It feels great, doesn’t it, standing in the future of industry?” a man's voice boomed. “Millions of man-hours of physical labor, eliminated forever by machines. All we need to do is set them and fix them. The only missing link is that they’re still being controlled by [expletive] like you.”

“What is--” Price began.

“It’s a memory,” Melody said, at the same time that Wolf said,“It’s my past.”

I'm doing this entirely by feel, but it seems like splitting it--putting "It's a memory" on one line, and "It's my past" on another--would throw the rhythm off a bit. What say you?

 

[BWFoster78]

I don't feel it "throws the rhythm off" by splitting it into the correct paragraphs.

 

[Devor]

Yes, but I wouldn't go for this particular effect. You can't catch the effect of simultaneous speakers in text, no matter how hard you try. Readers will read one line, then the other, and that's how they'll hear the dialogue. Throwing them together, and saying they were said at the same time, I think, just makes it feel awkward.

Off hand, I would maybe use two speakers in a paragraph if they were anonymous voices in a crowd.

 

[Jess A]

Yet some books do what Feo has described - two speakers in one paragraph. I don't like it much either, but it's been done. I wish I could remember the authors.

 

[Nebuchadnezzar]

Your example actually worked for me. It would work sequentially too, with Melody speaking first and then Wolf, but the implications it creates for the story might be slightly different.

 

[wordwalker]

I think two speakers in a line can work. It's awkward, but could be worth it if it's that important to capture that they speak at once, and if both parts are quick.

Or rather, if the first one is quick; I just might try

"But what--" Galen started, when Katherine said "Haven't you boys ever considered that it's a decoy? One word in the right place and you charge right out to where they want you!"

Again, only if the crowding-together effect is important. Separate is still cleaner.

 

[skip.knox]

Or, go without quote marks. Narrative.

Melody and Wolf spoke simultaneously. She said it was the past, and Wolf said it was a memory.

Or the other way round. Whatever. The question you want to ask yourself is, is the actual dialog critical at this point?

 

[Feo Takahari]

Yes, but I wouldn't go for this particular effect. You can't catch the effect of simultaneous speakers in text, no matter how hard you try. Readers will read one line, then the other, and that's how they'll hear the dialogue. Throwing them together, and saying they were said at the same time, I think, just makes it feel awkward.

Off hand, I would maybe use two speakers in a paragraph if they were anonymous voices in a crowd.

Come to think of it, I've seen that last before in To Kill a Mockingbird. The protagonist is listening in on several conversations at once:

"Yes sir, Mrs. Perkins, that J. Grimes Everett is a martyred saint, he… needed to get married so they ran… to the beauty parlor every Saturday afternoon… soon as the sun goes down. He sleeps with the . . . chickens, a crate full of sick chickens, that's what started it all. Fred says . . ."

 

[Chessie]

I like to use two speakers to a paragraph every once in a while to give the effect that they speak right after one another without pause or to highlight a hurried conversation. Out of every handful of short stories I write though, I probably use this technique once.

PS: I wanted to add that it makes most sense when a character is hearing a conversation going on that doesn't include him/her in it.