Cultures & Factions Feedback

[Alex97]

I posted something similar a few months ago but my world building has seen a lot more progress since then. General feedback and advice greatly appreciated. Bear in mind this is a work in progress. The cultures below are base mainly on ancient Greece with some Roman influences.

Cultures/Factions
Ellasian Cultures:
Ellasia is divided between numerous city states. The three most powerful control the lesser states as vassals or via their immense influence. Several Ellasian colonies exist in other countries/continents along with remnants of their empire.
Ellasia was once united by the city state of Avorterium and the legendary king (no name yet). The Empire was the vastest in known history stretching both East and West. However the line of kings grew cruel and the other city states rebelled. Due to the internal conflict the Empire collapsed and Avorterium was burned to the ground. The Ellasians are now restrained to their original lands save for a few remnants of the Empire. Despite the collapse, Ellasia maintains huge influence over other cultures.

Tryfan:
The oldest city state in Ellasia. Actually an island, it was from here that the Ellasians came to the mainland from. The city state is predominately a naval power and holds control over the city states on other islands. Their ground troops consist of the typical Ellasian phalanx supported by marines and mercenaries. Most colonies to the east are also of Tryfanite origin. The city itself is famed for its order of librarians which is now established all over Ellasia and is considered one of the greatest places of learning in the world. The city state is ruled by a very old monarchy. Their economy is based on trade and the production of fine goods.
Their emblem: 3 white dolphins on a blue banner

Lysanda:
The warrior city state. Ruled by a monarchy and supported by a council. All citizens may bring problems to the King and council to be solved. Their economy is based primarily on farming and payment from the other city states for keeping the borders secure. All boys undergo military training from a young age and are expected to serve as soldiers until retirement. Therefore most management is left to women and the older men. This means the women have much more power than in other states. Most city states west of the river Midassa fall under Lysandian influence and Lysandians are considred to have the best army. The Lysandian army consists of phalangites armed with long pikes, support by an elite of shield Companions who fight in a more flexible manner. They also use cavalry from the north. Strange customs make diplomacy hard for the Lysandians. For example, they will bow to no kings (theirs included) in the belief that one should only bend the knee to the gods. The Lysandians believe that a king exists only to serve the people. In return courage, honour and loyalty is demanded of them. Those deemed cowards usually commit suicide.
Lysanda’s founding story is steeped in myth (this is a WIP by the way). Before mainland Ellasia was settled the aging and blind king of Tryfan promised his two sons a kingdom each, either side of the river Midassa. However, the land west of the Midassa was uninhabitable due to a dragon. Knowing this the jealous mother (second wife of the king) sent the younger brother (her son) to trick the blind king into giving his blessing to the younger son. Therefore, Lysandros, the older brother and rightful ruler of the east was denied his land. To cut a long story short: he set off and killed the dragon and built Lysanda to the west of the Midassa. However, from the dragon’s blood many serpents were born. This attracted the best warriors from around the world and consequently Lysanda became a military state. It was also the start of many wars that would rage between the east and west.
Their emblem: A golden sun on a red banner

Elektonia:
Probably the richest city state, located east of the Midassa. They are governed by the senate. Their economy is based on trade via both the sea and river. Most city states east of the Midassa fall under their influence and have adopted republics as a form of government. The city itself is famous for its grand buildings, beautiful gardens. The poorer folk inhabit tall flats made from red bricks. The state’s immense wealth has enabled them to invest a considerable amount into engineering and science making them rivals in terms of education to Tryfan. Their military consists mainly of conscripted citizens, although professional elements do exist.
Interesting customs include the gift of laurel leaf crown on a boy’s 16th birthday. This signifies their citizenship and that no man is above another (every man is a king). In practice this belief has limited applications…
Their emblem: A golden laurel crown on a purple banner

Thought this is quite a long post, so I'll post the other cultures if the interest exists.

 

[Saigonnus]

The only thing that really throws me off a bit is the lifelong soldiers aspect of the Lysandans. A society cannot function that well if women do ALL the work, leaving the men to fighting; who in reality probably aren't fighting ALL the time, so instead are keeping the peace or languishing in some barracks somewhere. It is very expensive to keep an army of that size fed and quartered within a city, even more so when on a campaign.

I would say perhaps the inclusion of unnaturalized slaves (those who are not made citizens of the country and without the rights/obligations of the country) would help with much of the manual labor or servant class within the society and perhaps (as I suggested to someone else) that they serve "active" duty for only say two or three months of the year and the rest on "inactive" duty (meaning they keep everything ready for battle, so can be called if needed in a hurry) and still manage their affairs, take care of their farms, shops, inns etc.

Not to mention the whole makin' babies thing... if they are always away from their sweeties how are new babies made? Do they get leave of absence? Are ladies of the evening provided for the sole purpose of making new citizens when the soldiers are on campaign, or stationed in a given place?

 

[Addison]

Each culture sounds full and you've obviously put a lot of thought in each of them. So I take it that aside from a few dragons or serpents there are no magical races, past or present? If so then great. One thing I didn't see is how each culture interacts with the other. Do the Tryfans and Elektonians have a friendly competition of who has the better education? Does Lysandra badger and threaten Elektonia for their science to better their army? A kind of culture-food-chain is needed. There's one in every world, real or fantastic.

 

[Alex97]

The only thing that really throws me off a bit is the lifelong soldiers aspect of the Lysandans. A society cannot function that well if women do ALL the work, leaving the men to fighting; who in reality probably aren't fighting ALL the time, so instead are keeping the peace or languishing in some barracks somewhere. It is very expensive to keep an army of that size fed and quartered within a city, even more so when on a campaign.

I would say perhaps the inclusion of unnaturalized slaves (those who are not made citizens of the country and without the rights/obligations of the country) would help with much of the manual labor or servant class within the society and perhaps (as I suggested to someone else) that they serve "active" duty for only say two or three months of the year and the rest on "inactive" duty (meaning they keep everything ready for battle, so can be called if needed in a hurry) and still manage their affairs, take care of their farms, shops, inns etc.

Not to mention the whole makin' babies thing... if they are always away from their sweeties how are new babies made? Do they get leave of absence? Are ladies of the evening provided for the sole purpose of making new citizens when the soldiers are on campaign, or stationed in a given place?

I only gave a basic overview so I can see how this is confusing, but many thanks for pointing this out. The soldiers don't spend every minute of their lives training. Whilst a relatively small contingent of the population is on standby and training (this is on a rotatory system) , the rest manage various businesses. Most have farming estates or work on farms out of the city. Others manage markets in the city. Taverns and drinking areas are unsurprisingly a common favorite. Aside from military training, the Lysandian education does consist of some business related learning, although it is more so the responsibility of the parents.

There are other important aspects of the Lysandian economy as well. They gain taxes from the city states under their control who receive protection and the right to maintain their own laws in return. Arcada is the chief farming city whilst the others ar based more on trade. The Lysandians have also begun to look to the mountains as a source of valuable resources. This side of the economy is still in its infancy.

As for makin' babies - they have time for that when not training etc... Women in general enjoy a better lifestyle in terms of freedom, but more responsibilities as a result. From a writing point of view, this means I can have some very interesting female characters.

Each culture sounds full and you've obviously put a lot of thought in each of them. So I take it that aside from a few dragons or serpents there are no magical races, past or present? If so then great. One thing I didn't see is how each culture interacts with the other. Do the Tryfans and Elektonians have a friendly competition of who has the better education? Does Lysandra badger and threaten Elektonia for their science to better their army? A kind of culture-food-chain is needed. There's one in every world, real or fantastic.

Thanks for the feedback. Magic in general is thing of the past in legends and myths. There are various creatures and artifacts that appear but these are of questionable reliability. There are moments when the MC thinks he is facing harpies and ghost like creatures but I'm deliberately leaving it open as to whether these creatures were real or not. There are artifacts which are certainly real called Star Hearts. Pretty rare and few no about them.

The city states certainly have some interesting relationships. The Lysandians and Elektonians are mistrustful of each other due to previous wars. The Elektonians consider the Lysandians to be barbarians, whilst the Lysandians see the Elektonians as corrupt bureaucrats. Tryfan tries to keep the peace, but there are doubts as to whether this is an attempt to extend their influence onto the mainland. The lesser city states often switch allegiances between the three or try to gain power for themselves.

The only thing really stopping the Ellasians constantly fighting each other are the other threats. Since their empire collapsed they are bordered by enemies. The Pallajant dynasty has risen from the ashes of the Grashian empire and is already attacking Ellasian colonies on the eastern continent. To the west the Lenvetii tribes and Highrikki tribes pose a potential threat. To the North there is the Brax and to the north east the nomadic horse archers of Yierland. Despite all that they end up fighting each other in the end anyway.

 

[Jabrosky]

The only thing really stopping the Ellasians constantly fighting each other are the other threats. Since their empire collapsed they are bordered by enemies. The Pallajant dynasty has risen from the ashes of the Grashian empire and is already attacking Ellasian colonies on the eastern continent. To the west the Lenvetii tribes and Highrikki tribes pose a potential threat. To the North there is the Brax and to the north east the nomadic horse archers of Yierland. Despite all that they end up fighting each other in the end anyway.

You mention these Ellasians being threatened on their northern, western, and eastern borders. Assuming you are basing the geography here on the Eastern Mediterranean, would there happen to be any civilizations lying to the south?

Anyway, I like that you've drawn your influences from Eastern Mediterranean civilizations and yet modified them enough to produce something fresh and unique. I find the Eastern Mediterranean a fascinating region for world-building too, largely because of its cultural diversity, but I tend to simply transfer the real civs and rename them on a marginally modified geography.

How long have you been putting this project of yours together?

 

[Alex97]

You mention these Ellasians being threatened on their northern, western, and eastern borders. Assuming you are basing the geography here on the Eastern Mediterranean, would there happen to be any civilizations lying to the south?

Anyway, I like that you've drawn your influences from Eastern Mediterranean civilizations and yet modified them enough to produce something fresh and unique. I find the Eastern Mediterranean a fascinating region for world-building too, largely because of its cultural diversity, but I tend to simply transfer the real civs and rename them on a marginally modified geography.

How long have you been putting this project of yours together?

Thank you for the interest and positive feedback.

The geography shares similarity with Greece in many ways, but also with Turkey and areas to the north around the black sea. The south of mainland Ellasia are the islands. The area below the main part of the Pallajant empire is similar to areas such as Syria, Jordan, Israel etc... The continent to the east kind of curves around under Ellasia to the south as well. This southern portion is the domain of the Samaxians, a sort of Egyptian culture. They've been conquered by the Pallajant empire, but resistance groups exist.

Ideas for this have been in my head for about five years I guess. I first started drawing maps on holiday in Greece. My writing was quite poor and my civilizations consisted of the usual Orcs, elves and Dwarves thing. That said, I was still in primary school. Early last year I started actually putting words to paper. In terms of world building I'm almost done, the story is a bit further behind. There's a few more eastern cultures that could be developed.

 

[Barstar]

You have a nice sounding world here, but some of the names seem a bit blatant (Elektonia specifically)

Lot's of Greek inspiration, I don't see a lot of that in fantasy these days

 

[Addison]

You have clearly got your world, the cultures, the people and pretty much everything planned out fully and vibrantly. I say get writing!

 

[Alex97]

You have a nice sounding world here, but some of the names seem a bit blatant (Elektonia specifically)

In what way more specifically? I'm open to suggestions or alternatives. Personally, I'm happy enough with the names, but if many people saw the same problem I'd change them. Lysanda is a respelling of a Spartan general/admiral's name (LYsander), Tryfan is named after a mountain I climbed (originally Tryphan) and Elektonia is just something I made up.

Here's some info on the Eastern cultures. They're still a work in progress in regards to world building. The other western cultures are complete however (I'll post them up if people are still interested).

Pallajant Empire

300-400 years earlier (timescale may change) the Grashian empire invaded Ellasia. The world's mightiest empire clashed against the hastily united city states. The Grashian empire was beaten by the city states; its army destroyed and humiliated. 50 years later the Grashians returned in greater force. They burned several island city states to the ground before moving onto the mainland. Elektonia itself was sacked and the Ellasian forces were pushed back to the river Midassa. A small force (not sure which city state yet) with the help of the Tryfanite navy made it possible to only cross at one point. They held out for a week, giving the Lysandians and their allies enough time to ready a decoy army. The Tryfanites then used what remained of the fleet to land a smaller army of various city states to the east of the country. This cut the Grashians off from there supplies and forced them to engage the Lysandians on terrain that rendered their cavalry useless. Needles to say the Grashiants were beaten. 10 years later the Ellasians invaded Grashia themselves (led by the founder of Avorterium). The Grashiant Empire ended and 400 years of Ellasian dominance begun.

As the Ellasian empire crumbled, the Grashian lands fell to ruin in the fighting and were eventually abandoned. For a short while Grashiant kings took control once more. However, the warlords of Pallaja saw an easy target. They invaded the ruined country with a vast force led by the cataphtacts, their powerful cavalry. The Pallajants styled themselves as human forms of their 8 headed god. The Pallajants made use of the brilliant fine goods crafting, gold, slavery and trade opportunities found in Grashia. They used their new found wealth to conquer most of the eastern continent.

The Pallajants seem to have inherited Grashia's hate for the Ellasians. They now advance on the colonies and take the remnants of once great empire. Pallaja is the greatest threat to Ellasia.

Samaxia

The Samaxians are a proud people. In their prime they built great pyramids, cities of gold and grand gardens. They are a people who value education and learning and have consequently found themselves in a good relationship with Tryfan. Left untouched by the Ellasians in the day of their empire as allies, the Samaxians continued to develop during the Ellasian reign of the east.
Now, however the Pallajants rule over them. The Pallajants replaced their gods with the 8 headed one ("he who sees all"), took their palaces as their own, and raided the tombs of old kings. As a result the Samaxians are a bitter people and resent the Pallajants. Resistance groups exist in the desert led by warrior kings and queens, but they lack the chariots and vast army they once possessed.

The Whitter Tribes
Strange tribes that dwell in the desert. They swear their loyalty to the Pallajant Empire. They paint their skin white and dye their long hair in bright colors. They fight primarily with spears, long oval shields and axes. They are despised by the Samaxian resistance who also dwell in the desert. The Whitter's reputation as barbarians is perhaps undeserved as they are capable of producing fine artwork. On the other hand they are said to conduct human sacrifice and eat babies... This is probably more myth than truth.

That's all for now folks. There are more, but I can't be asked to rewrite everything out. This is my third attempt at this post thanks to my laptop crashing. :mad2: