BWFoster78
Myth Weaver
I'm having a bit of a disagreement with one of my beta readers. When that happens, I like to get some outside input to help determine whether it's his advice that's off or if it's my judgment that's impaired.
Here's the section in question:
The "list" quality of the above section really bothers my beta reader. He's made the same observation about other sections. He'd prefer something like:
Thanks in advance for your opinions.
Brian
Here's the section in question:
“Less so than if any of you were with me. I’m trained to scout and won’t get caught, unlike lead foot.” Brant pointed at Xan. “Or fidget boy.” He gestured at Dylan. “Or limp girl. Do you understand?”
The "list" quality of the above section really bothers my beta reader. He's made the same observation about other sections. He'd prefer something like:
“Less so than if any of you were with me. I’m trained to scout and won’t get caught, unlike lead foot.” Brant pointed at Xan. “And the other two of you aren't much better. Do you understand?”
Thanks in advance for your opinions.
Brian