BWFoster78
Myth Weaver
Here's the paragraph:
He loved how the neat rows of glass canisters of all sizes and baskets filled with all manner of plants lined the roughhewn boards. Every item had its place. He felt more at home there than at the Diwen’s.
Question:
In the last sentence, should it be "there" or "here?" I keep changing it; neither sounds right.
Bonus question:
I added in that last sentence, and I like what it reveals. It doesn't flow correctly, though. Any thoughts on how to fix it?
2nd Bonus:
At the end of his count, he still could not force himself to drink from the bottle. He set it on his small oak writing table. “Of all the stupid things I’ve done, this is absolutely the dumbest. It could kill me.”
He looked at his bed, then back at the bottle, then at the bed again. “Radiation take it!” Seizing courage with both hands, he grabbed the mixture, threw his head back, and chugged it down. His face screwed into a grimace. The elixir tasted fouler than the tonic Master Rae gave school children he suspected of feigning illness.
The question is:
Do you hate "radiation take it" as a curse? I want the swear words to match my world, and, long story, the radiation both fits well and gives a bit of a mystery. Kinda like why are we talking about radiation in the middle of a fantasy novel?
Is it too distracting? Does it sound corny?
He loved how the neat rows of glass canisters of all sizes and baskets filled with all manner of plants lined the roughhewn boards. Every item had its place. He felt more at home there than at the Diwen’s.
Question:
In the last sentence, should it be "there" or "here?" I keep changing it; neither sounds right.
Bonus question:
I added in that last sentence, and I like what it reveals. It doesn't flow correctly, though. Any thoughts on how to fix it?
2nd Bonus:
At the end of his count, he still could not force himself to drink from the bottle. He set it on his small oak writing table. “Of all the stupid things I’ve done, this is absolutely the dumbest. It could kill me.”
He looked at his bed, then back at the bottle, then at the bed again. “Radiation take it!” Seizing courage with both hands, he grabbed the mixture, threw his head back, and chugged it down. His face screwed into a grimace. The elixir tasted fouler than the tonic Master Rae gave school children he suspected of feigning illness.
The question is:
Do you hate "radiation take it" as a curse? I want the swear words to match my world, and, long story, the radiation both fits well and gives a bit of a mystery. Kinda like why are we talking about radiation in the middle of a fantasy novel?
Is it too distracting? Does it sound corny?
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