Garren Jacobsen
Auror
I love watching Rugby. I think it is my third favorite sport to watch behind American Football and freestyle wrestling.
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Random thoughts
- Thread starter SeverinR
- Start date
DragonOfTheAerie
Vala
Having a lot of social anxiety right now. I don't even know if it's social anxiety. What would you call it? At any rate I don't really feel like posting on the forums a lot of the time because the voices in my head say "you're just annoying everyone," "you're being a burden," "everyone here would rather not have you around."
I feel guilt about basically every interaction I have with other people because I'm not adhering to some standard of being a good person that's been created in my mind. Feel guilt for failing the techniques in Krav class, feel guilt for talking to my friends about stuff they probably aren't interested in, feel guilt about showing my friend a song she didn't like very much. I feel guilt about writing this. I feel like because I don't do all these things "right" I'm hurting/annoying/bothering other people and it's a terrible feeling.
You know, i really want to be the person that is there for everyone, but then it blows up in my face because everyone ends up having to be there for me. It's hard to call for help when you just feel even worse by burdening everyone with your problems.
And so I haven't been very comfortable posting lately because I hate posting questions and having everyone answer them, and I hate not being able to help people out with their stories...I want to give back to this community instead of just take-take-taking. Same with everything I do.
Generally I feel like a very high-maintenance person who is always being a problem and I really hate it.
Anyway. Vent over.
I feel guilt about basically every interaction I have with other people because I'm not adhering to some standard of being a good person that's been created in my mind. Feel guilt for failing the techniques in Krav class, feel guilt for talking to my friends about stuff they probably aren't interested in, feel guilt about showing my friend a song she didn't like very much. I feel guilt about writing this. I feel like because I don't do all these things "right" I'm hurting/annoying/bothering other people and it's a terrible feeling.
You know, i really want to be the person that is there for everyone, but then it blows up in my face because everyone ends up having to be there for me. It's hard to call for help when you just feel even worse by burdening everyone with your problems.
And so I haven't been very comfortable posting lately because I hate posting questions and having everyone answer them, and I hate not being able to help people out with their stories...I want to give back to this community instead of just take-take-taking. Same with everything I do.
Generally I feel like a very high-maintenance person who is always being a problem and I really hate it.
Anyway. Vent over.
Futhark
Inkling
Hey Dragon, I feel ya. Sounds like your self-esteem is wrapped up with the concept of being a people pleaser. I worked so hard to become independent and self-secure that besides my wife and kids I have no close friends at all. I am still insecure about posting though, because I think, who wants to hear from me? You should have seen my anxiety waiting for my first reply. Just know that even if you are high maintenance, there are always others that like lending a hand. I think a lot of them are on this forum so keep posting okay?
Russ
Istar
I'm glad you got that out of your system.
Now go back to writing, and back to posting questions and comments around here. I like your posts.
Futhark
Inkling
Quick question, how do you quote parts of a thread?
Like this?
At the bottom of each post there's a link that says "Reply With Quote" it includes the post you're reply to as quoted, then you can edit that as you wish.
At the bottom of each post there's a link that says "Reply With Quote" it includes the post you're reply to as quoted, then you can edit that as you wish.
Futhark
Inkling
Ok thanks I will try that.
Malik
Auror
If you need self-esteem, DOTA, you can always borrow some of mine. I've got plenty to go around.
Sage
Malik
Auror
Like the game DOTA?
Sent from my SM-G550T1 using Tapatalk
DragonOfTheAerie.
DirigibleOfTheArcane
DragonOfTheAerie
Vala
Self esteem? More like relief to my paranoia. I have difficulty reading people and knowing what kinds of things are appropriate to say or do in what circumstances. Being aware of that, I'm constantly having to curtail myself and keep track of how my behavior might affect other people and generally be aware. However, I've gotten too paranoid about it...so I end up thinking almost everything I say is "wrong." But how do you not be paranoid when you make wrong moves so easily?
Of course, part of this is my underlying belief that I'm not likable for some reason. (I've been indirectly punished for my quirks in almost every peer group I've been in.) So yes, maybe a little self esteem might help...
DragonOfTheAerie
Vala
I relate. Gah, I do relate. I just want to keep from messing up, ya know? I try to avoid saying the "wrong" things but what do you do when it all seems wrong?
Probably long years surrounded by neurotypical teenage girls with whom I cannot relate on any level have trained me that all interests and insights I have are taboo and unwanted. I generally assume I'm being annoying nowadays. Not a good assumption to make.
Not sure whether the solution is "say all the things I'm scared to say" or "don't say anything I'm not sure about."
DragonOfTheAerie
Vala
Garren Jacobsen
Auror
I sometimes berate myself for having picked such a long name
Could be worse. You could have called your self. Balrog Running Around. Or Snape Hates Infernal Teenagers.
Futhark
Inkling
Peer groups? What are those? I'm too nerdy for the blokes, not a fan of fishing, sports or loud engines. Too tough for the nerds (no, I don't care how good your graphics card is). Turns out I am likeable, witty, generous and sensitive. Have made some great friends over the years but can never seem to hold on to them. Self esteem issues? Hmmm...what day is it?
Myth Weaver
Futhark
Inkling
Don't mean to denigrate nerds or people with good graphic cards. This is my first experience interacting with others online and I'm still playing with expressing myself in this format. I am funny in real life (funny looking at least). As to peers I feel that this site can and does provide peers and hopefully, eventually, friends.
Russ
Istar
I recommend the latter.
