Sex!

[Annoyingkid]

Sex in a pre contraception age carries certain ethical issues. If the character is male, if he's having sex with anybody, is he prepared to face the event of being a father? Same for women and motherhood. Are they willing or able to step up and do right by their potential kids? Are they willing to invest the money, time and effort? If not, that adds immaturity and neglectfulness to their list of character traits. Example. Satele Shan from Star Wars EU having sex against her Jedi training and the just abandoning and giving away her child out of self interest. To avoid exile. (Despite the fact that Arren Kae was exiled for the exact same thing). Yeah, that's not a noble thing to do. That makes her look like a deadbeat asswipe. It's one of the most effective ways to make me hate a character. Someone who wants to have their thrills and just duck responsibility.

 

[A. E. Lowan]

Sex in a pre contraception age carries certain ethical issues. If the character is male, if he's having sex with anybody, is he prepared to face the event of being a father? Same for women and motherhood. Are they willing or able to step up and do right by their potential kids? Are they willing to invest the money, time and effort? If not, that adds immaturity and neglectfulness to their list of character traits. Example. Satele Shan from Star Wars EU having sex against her Jedi training and the just abandoning and giving away her child out of self interest. To avoid exile. (Despite the fact that Arren Kae was exiled for the exact same thing). Yeah, that's not a noble thing to do. That makes her look like a deadbeat asswipe. It's one of the most effective ways to make me hate a character. Someone who wants to have their thrills and just duck responsibility.

This raises excellent questions, although I will point out that there never has been a "pre-contraception age," simply times when contraception was more or less effective than other times, including our own. Egyptians used crocodile dung in shocking ways, and women have seemingly always understood that if they have sex at certain points in their cycles that they are more likely to get pregnant than in other times.

But, yes, there is the question of potential parental responsibility (Satele has always rubbed me the wrong way) and the after effects of sex, including disease. That way lies tasty conflict.

 

[Russ]

This raises excellent questions, although I will point out that there never has been a "pre-contraception age," simply times when contraception was more or less effective than other times, including our own. Egyptians used crocodile dung in shocking ways, and women have seemingly always understood that if they have sex at certain points in their cycles that they are more likely to get pregnant than in other times.

But, yes, there is the question of potential parental responsibility (Satele has always rubbed me the wrong way) and the after effects of sex, including disease. That way lies tasty conflict.

You beat me to the point about "pre-contraception" times. Well said.

 

[Annoyingkid]

Those aren't reliable. A fantasy protagonist that doesn't ask themselves if they want the person's kids, before having sex, barring some magical contraception, is setting themselves up for unlikability.

 

[Svrtnsse]

I'm currently reading Chuck Wendig's book Damn Fine Story, and I just got to the chapter about writing fight scenes, which is at the same time also the chapter about writing sex scenes. Wendig makes the argument that the two are technically the same. Both fighting and having sex puts characters in strong emotional states that they may not otherwise reach - for better and for worse.
They're both action scenes, and they can both have a profound impact on both the story and on the characters involved.

I also recall reading this article by CagedMaiden, which states basically the same thing: A Fine Line Between Love and Death - How to Write Love Scenes (it's a while since I read it in full)

So far I haven't had the need for a sex scene in any of my stories, but as a thought experiment I'm trying to think about how I'd do them. Depending on the characters involved the scenes would probably be very different. Let's see...
- Emma's big dream in life is to settle down, have kids, and raise a family. Writing a sex scene for her might be focused on how she's finally on her way to realising that goal.
- Roy is a disillusioned old wrestler. Writing a sex scene with him might be focused on how his partner isn't as good as the woman he loves might have been if it weren't for the fact she's dead.

Spoiler

She's not dead.

- Alene is rootless and lonely. Writing a sex scene with her would probably be both creepy and unpleasant, but not because of the sex.
- Enar is a lonely middle aged man. Writing a sex scene for him might be focused on how he's so happy to have finally connected with someone and how it's not too late for him to find love.

 

[Chessie2]

I write lots of sex scenes. Lots. Some are steamy. Others are more sensual. Some are closed door. Some are graphic. If anyone here wants samples to see how another writer does it or needs help writing these scenes please PM me. I'm open to helping. Writing sex is about emotions not motion by motion. I disagree that sex scenes are like fighting scenes. What the heck, Wendig?!

- Roy is a disillusioned old wrestler. Writing a sex scene with him might be focused on how his partner isn't as good as the woman he loves might have been if it weren't for the fact she's dead..

Roy has a gentle side. A love scene with him would bring out a lot of things he's buried underneath.

About babies...let me just say that if I read about lovers who have sex and she doesn't end up pregnant down the road somewhere (if they don't use protection) then it's unrealistic to me. Granted, not all women can get pregnant. Not all couples can conceive. But in general, if it happens in fiction then somewhere down the line I'm fully expecting to see it happen.

 

[A. E. Lowan]

I write lots of sex scenes. Lots. Some are steamy. Others are more sensual. Some are closed door. Some are graphic. If anyone here wants samples to see how another writer does it or needs help writing these scenes please PM me. I'm open to helping. Writing sex is about emotions not motion by motion. I disagree that sex scenes are like fighting scenes. What the heck, Wendig?!

I actually agree with Wendig on this one, but some of our sex scenes can also get pretty rock n' roll. The intensity of emotion, the need for careful choreography, even some of the language involved... yeah, sex and fighting can definitely be seen as two sides of the same narrative coin, in my humble opinion.

 

[Insolent Lad]

Though I have never included a sex scene that comes anywhere near being graphic in any of my published work (which does not mean it couldn't happen), I have written erotic stories featuring some of my characters as a way of exploring their backstory and better understanding who they are. It can be pretty revealing to figure out just how they approach and are affected by sex and/or love. These stories are going to remain on my computer, where they belong!

 

[Svrtnsse]

Roy has a gentle side. A love scene with him would bring out a lot of things he's buried underneath.

This is true, and I guess that makes an excellent point in case for actually doing such a scene. He could start out in the state I mention and then his gentler side pushes through - or the other way around. It could probably make for a really good piece of character development.

 

[Michael K. Eidson]

Writing sex is about emotions not motion by motion. I disagree that sex scenes are like fighting scenes.

After reading Caged Maiden's article, I get the similarities. She's saying that fighting scenes shouldn't be just motion-by-motion either, but as much about the emotion involved.

One sex scene in my WIP is told from the viewpoint of a non-participating observer of the sex act. In this scene, I describe some of the motion-by-motion, and none of the internal emotions or thoughts of the participants, but the emotions of the observer are paramount in the scene. I can see how this scene would be similar to one in which the POV character observes two people fighting.