First impressions last, right?

[Svrtnsse]

TL;DR - How much time do you have to give your reader their first impression of something?

I just commented on a piece Addison posted in the showcase and somehow went off on a bit of a rant about first impressions and how important they are for the images we create in our heads. I made the following statement:

[The] first impression starts forming the instant the new element is introduced and it's completed as soon as something else is mentioned.

Does that make sense?

I'll try and illustrate with an example (not from Addison's story):

The tall blonde woman stood in front of the table. She picked among the jewelry and with a gloved hand she fished up a necklace and fastened it around her neck, taking care not to tangle it in the chains the hung from her long elfin ears.

In this example your first impression is based only on the first sentence "tall blonde woman" and then you're thinking about the table and the jewelry on it. You may or may not have pictured her with gloves and you probably didn't pick up on her being an elf (yes, I'm exaggerating to make a point).

A better description would probably be:

In front of the table, fiddling with with a silver pendant stood a tall blonde elf. Her long ears were adorned with fine golden chains that had somehow gotten tangled up with her necklace and she struggled to get it free.

This second example uses the word "elf" right away and that in itself carries all kinds of impression, it then goes straight on to her ear decorations and the little chains becomes part of the first impression.

I have to admit I struggled a bit coming up with an acceptable second example, so if anyone gets my point and can think of a better description, please share it.


Rough examples aside, does this make sense? I haven't spent any significant amount of time thinking about it and I haven't researched the topic. This is just my spontaneous impression. What do you think?

 

[Penpilot]

I think you have to be careful not to force too much information on the reader at the same time. The first paragraph reads smoother than the second. The second feel like you're trying to force a bunch of information on us at the same time and that muddies the waters. In the first sentence the picture of the elf is constructed in a more natural manner, like someone's eyes looking over her and picking things up.

In fact it just takes one word changed at the beginning to tell the reader she's an elf. Sometimes simple is better.

The tall blonde elf stood in front of the table. She picked among the jewelry and with a gloved hand she fished up a necklace and fastened it around her neck, taking care not to tangle it in the chains the hung from her ears.

I remember taking a course on interface design in university... and well long story short... there was a section on human perception. When humans look at something, we don't construct the image all at once, like a flood of stimuli. We build it a little bit at a time from our point of focus (which to our brains is the most important part) filling in details a little at a time outward. When you apply that to writing, it's about conveying the details clearly so the brain can process them easier and quicker to form the images/impression we want. If it's not clear, the written detail turns into a blur no matter where it's placed.

As we write about something, the construction of the image/ the impression is a gradual thing and should start with what's most important to the character, whether that's race, a smile, a trinket being held. It says a lot about the character. I'm not sure if the first impression ever really stops because the impression is always evolving. At least IMHO it doesn't really end until the end of a section.

Then again I'm kind of talking out of my arse here.

 

[A. E. Lowan]

In fact it just takes one word changed at the beginning to tell the reader she's an elf. Sometimes simple is better.

I remember taking a course on interface design in university... and well long story short... there was a section on human perception. When humans look at something, we don't construct the image all at once, like a flood of stimuli. We build it a little bit at a time from our point of focus (which to our brains is the most important part) filling in details a little at a time outward. When you apply that to writing, it's about conveying the details clearly so the brain can process them easier and quicker to form the images/impression we want. If it's not clear, the written detail turns into a blur no matter where it's placed.

As we write about something, the construction of the image/ the impression is a gradual thing and should start with what's most important to the character, whether that's race, a smile, a trinket being held. It says a lot about the character. I'm not sure if the first impression ever really stops because the impression is always evolving. At least IMHO it doesn't really end until the end of a section.

Then again I'm kind of talking out of my arse here.

Talking out of your arse or not, you're both absolutely right. Srvt, your instincts were right that the word "woman" was misleading, but your example pulled the camera too far out, not only cramming in too much information but distancing the reader from the scene. "In front of the table, fiddling with with a silver pendant stood a tall blonde elf." This sentence correctly identifies the character right away as an elf, but puts the table, the pendant, the blonde, and a lot of passive language between us and her, as well as robbing her of gender. Granted, in both "elf" examples we need to get to the next sentence before we know she's female, but "The tall blonde elf stood in front of the table." is a much shorter distance to travel.

When writing, even when using beautiful language, remember the K.I.S.S. principle. Keep It Simple, Stupid. Rude, I know, but it's easier sometimes to remember than Occam's Razor. There is much elegance to be found in simplicity, and also much clarity.

 

[A. E. Lowan]

Oh! And yes, first impressions are absolutely crucial. So, Svrt, again your instincts are right on the money.

 

[Svrtnsse]

So the first thing I'm taking away from this is that I need to put some more thought into paragraphs used to exemplify things.

Penpilot:
Thanks for clearing up the example and pointing out the obvious improvement. I'm with you on how clarity is important. I was clearly overthinking it in order to try and illustrate my point.
The comparison to interface design is interesting. I've studied it myself at some point and I probably should have seen that coming. I'm assuming that to at least some degree it's the same for writing. The user/reader builds their image on what something is little by little and it's up to the designer/writer to make sure they get the important parts later. Little details to flesh things out can be added later.
I'm thinking that at some point the first impression has to settle though. There must be some point when new information added serves to modify the impression of something rather than adding to it. I think this point comes fairly soon after the new element is introduced but I'm not sure just how soon.
My spontaneous impression is that the first impression stops evolving as soon as imagination is drawn to some distinct other element, but it may be as you say that you have a little more time and it lasts until at least the end of the paragraph/section.

Lowan:
I remember the KISS rule now. It was also brought up when studying interface design and it's quite clear to me it will apply in writing as well. Thanks for the reminder. Also thanks for pointing out the issues with the example I gave. It's what happens when I'm trying too hard to be clever at four in the morning.

 

[Ireth]

"In front of the table, fiddling with with a silver pendant stood a tall blonde elf." This sentence correctly identifies the character right away as an elf, but puts the table, the pendant, the blonde, and a lot of passive language between us and her, as well as robbing her of gender.

I disagree. Usage of the feminine word "blonde" as opposed to the masculine/neutral "blond" shows the elf's gender quickly and simply.

 

[Malik]

I disagree. Usage of the feminine word "blonde" as opposed to the masculine/neutral "blond" shows the elf's gender quickly and simply.

Most writers will balls this up, though. I see blonde/blond used interchangeably between genders quite a bit. I think this is one of those usage rules that's slowly fading from the language.

 

[Svrtnsse]

Most writers will balls this up, though. I see blonde/blond used interchangeably between genders quite a bit. I think this is one of those usage rules that's slowly fading from the language.

I have to admit I wasn't actually aware of this. :/
I may have had the feel for it and would have chosen blonde over blond when referring to a woman, but I didn't know it was actually a rule.

 

[Malik]

I didn't know it was actually a rule.

It's probably not, anymore.

 

[Penpilot]

I'm thinking that at some point the first impression has to settle though. There must be some point when new information added serves to modify the impression of something rather than adding to it. I think this point comes fairly soon after the new element is introduced but I'm not sure just how soon.

Thinking about this more, I'm reminded of something I read in a screen writing book. It's called the Save-the-Cat moment, named after the Christopher Reeves Superman movie when Superman swoops down and saves a cat for a little girl. Basically it's a short hand that can be used to subtly tell the reader that they should be liking or disliking a character within moments of meeting them. It's simply have them do something nice or not nice. For example, how many instances do we see a character drop something and another character helps them pick it up. It we all get the feeling of "Oh, they seem like a nice person." You can also flip this and have something bad happen to a character or have them gain undue fortune to give the same results.

 

[Ireth]

Thinking about this more, I'm reminded of something I read in a screen writing book. It's called the Save-the-Cat moment, named after the Christopher Reeves Superman movie when Superman swoops down and saves a cat for a little girl. Basically it's a short hand that can be used to subtly tell the reader that they should be liking or disliking a character within moments of meeting them.

I've seen that called the Establishing Character moment. It can definitely be subverted though, and that can be fun. You can have your hero do something despicable, or your villain do something charitable.

 

[BWFoster78]

I'm not sure about the relative importance you're placing on first impressions.

As authors, we absolutely can't infodump to start our stories. We can't say, "My character, Bob, a 43.6 year-old used car dealer from Brooklyn, enjoys going to the olde ballpark and tends to overindulge a bit with..." And keep going for ten pages as I describe everything that the reader could possibly stand to know about the character.

Instead, we have to reveal information piece by piece as the story demands. This requirement limits to a great extent the control over any assumptions that the reader may make. My theory is:

1. With every characteristic and plot point you convey, be clear.
2. If the reader forms an assumption that runs counter to what you intended, that's okay as long as they formed this opinion based on their own rather than from a miscommunication on your part. (For example, if you say the beast was purple with green stripes, it's not your issue if I form an image of the beast having a horn. - in my defense, though, every purple beast with green stripes I've ever imagined has, in fact, possessed just such a horn!)
3. The reader simply has to be ready to chuck their mental image when you present evidence to the contrary.

Quoting the OP from another thread:

Disclaimer: This is The LAW! If you don't follow this rule you are a bad writer and no one will ever read your books.

I think I'm going to add that to all my posts from now on...

Thanks.

Brian

 

[Svrtnsse]

I'm fully with you on how you can't begin a story with an infodump. I would even say you shouldn't introduce a character or other story element with an infodump unless you really can't avoid it. If you need/want to do an infodump wait until the reader knows enough about the topic that they want to know more.

I still think that first impressions are really important though. Few things annoy me as much as realizing the image I have of someone or something is incorrect. More often than not I end up deciding that the author is wrong and that it's MY image that is the correct one (yeah, I know I'm not being rational about it, but it's in my head the story is playing out).

Another issue with the infodump approach to character description is that past a certain point it won't contribute to the first impression anymore. Google indicates that IRL a first impression is formed within just fractions of a second of meeting someone. I'd say that in writing this would translate to at most a few short sentences - but that's just a hunch based on no particular science.
So instead of describing the character you start telling their story, which isn't really what you want - unless that's the actual story you want to tell, but for the sake of the argument I'm assuming it isn't.

For your character Bob, a middle age, somewhat overweight used car dealer from Brooklyn, the preceding sentence is enough to create the first impression. Then when the reader actually "sees" the character you could put in something about how he's bald and unshaven in dirty coveralls and the image is done.
Now, your reader will have an image of the character and you can't change that. You can add to it, but if you change it they'll get annoyed. Like, say it turns out his coveralls are actually green instead of orange (or blue, or whatever). It's not actually mentioned, but it's a blank that's been filled in by the reader at this point. If you leave some significant detail like that blank, it'll have to stay blank.
You're fine to have him change clothes though and then the reader might notice that his back is covered by an enormous tattoo of a unicorn riding a dolphin across the rainbow.

 

[Devor]

The tall blonde woman stood in front of the table. She picked among the jewelry and with a gloved hand she fished up a necklace and fastened it around her neck, taking care not to tangle it in the chains the hung from her long elfin ears.

In front of the table, fiddling with with a silver pendant stood a tall blonde elf. Her long ears were adorned with fine golden chains that had somehow gotten tangled up with her necklace and she struggled to get it free.

I just want to take a second to point out how wildly different the first impressions being made by these two examples are. That she's an elf seems almost secondary to these differences.

 

[Steerpike]

@Svrtnsse:

I don't know. Consider the opening of Roberto Bolano's The Savage Detectives. It won't be for everyone, but it was a successful book and here are some of the accolades/awards:

-Chosen by Amazon editors as a "Must Read" in 2007.
-Winner of Herralde Prize and Romulo Gallegos Prize (the novel was originally written in Spanish).
-A Los Angeles Times Best Book of 2007.
-A Slate Best Book of 2007.
-A Washington Post Top Ten Book of 2007.
-A New York Magazine Top Ten book of 2007.
-A San Francisco Chronicle Best Book of 2007.
-NY Times rave review called it 'wildly enjoyable.'
-Leopold Froelich review called it the best novel of the past decade, in any language.
-Review in The Believer called it a beatnik South-American Lord of the Rings (yes that was a compliment).
-Ranked 3rd on list of best Spanish novels of the last 25 years by The Colombian.

Oh, and it was also a bestseller in the U.S., so it was financially successful to an American audience.

None of the above is meant to suggest that any single person should or should not like it, I only list so many points to illustrate that a novel was both commercially and critically successful, and started off by telling​ character background.

The opening:

NOVEMBER 2

I've been cordially invited to join the visceral realists. I accepted, of course. There was no initiation ceremony. It was better that way.

NOVEMBER 3

I'm not really sure what visceral realism is. I'm seventeen years old, my name is Juan García Madero, and I'm in my first semester of law school. I wanted to study literature, not law, but my uncle insisted, and in the end I gave in. I'm an orphan, and someday I'll be a lawyer. That's what I told my aunt and uncle, and then I shut myself in my room and cried all night. Or anyway for a long time. Then, as if it were settled, I started class in the law school's hallowed halls, but a month later I registered for Julio César Ãlamo's poetry workshop in the literature department, and that was how I met the visceral realists, or viscerealists or even vicerealists, as they sometimes like to call themselves.

 

[Feo Takahari]

I'd like to expand on Ireth's idea of subverted expectations. Fakir in Princess Tutu is trying to protect Mutou, but feels resentful of having to constantly look out for him, and often speaks harshly to him. Duck, the shapeshifting heroine, wants to free Mutou to live his own life, so Fakir at first seems to be an antagonistic figure in both intentions and attitude. A few episodes in, Fakir encounters Duck while she's in duck form, and he's unexpectedly kind to this lost little waterfowl, showing for the first time that he's actually well-intentioned. In other words, he gets a Save-The-Cat moment, long after he's introduced, that has the same effect as if we'd just met him.

(Yes, the show is called Princess Tutu. It's my favorite show ever, actually.)

 

[Svrtnsse]

@Steerpike
I haven't read that book but I'll take your (and everyone else's) word for it being worth reading. I'll pick it up if I come across it. The introduction is interesting. It's a rather bold first sentence as it sets the expectations for the rest of the book and also gives you a first impression of what it will be like. To me, it's intriguing, to someone else it may be off-putting.
It does set the first impression though. Once you've finished it you've got an idea of the book and you're probably halfway to making up your mind about whether to read it or not.

The quoted text is a great example of how you actually can start a story with an infodump - which I said you can't.
My first impression of how the guy looks is formed by "I'm seventeen years old, my name is Juan García Madero" and my first impression of him as a person starts forming even before that, when he admits he doesn't know what visceral realism is. The rest of the text, while dumping a lot of info on the reader feels like a natural part of the story though. It's written in the same style as the first line and it doesn't feel as if the writer is just listing facts for me.

I should probably try and learn something from this for the infodump I'm trying to fit into my current scene.

@Devor
In retrospect I'd probably have been better off leaving the examples out as they're not illustrating the point I tried to make all that well. What you're saying is true though. It's something I missed after having stared myself blind on the screen trying to come up with the second paragraph (at 04.30 am). The highlighter keywords bring on associations that pull the mind in very different directions.
Extracting the words and then trying to fit them onto a person(ality) without any other descriptions highlights this even more:

stood, picked among, fished up, fastened, taking care
fiddling, gotten tangled, struggled

 

[Steerpike]

@Steerpike
I haven't read that book but I'll take your (and everyone else's) word for it being worth reading.

It's a good book. You may or may not like it, because personal tastes will vary, of course. But I've read plenty of good books that start with the author basically telling information about the character(s) in a very straightforward way. If you're using a similar style in any portion of your book, then looking at examples of successful books that use that style is worth the time, in my view. The Savage Detectives has a lot of telling throughout, though Bolano handles it very well (as he does in his novel 2666).

So, yeah, just keep in mind you have various options depending on the effect you want to achieve. If you don't want to tell the reader a chunk of information, then I'd go with a more active approach, incorporating the information into the action of the story. If you'd rather just present the information in a straightforward way, then go for it. You can always decide afterward whether it works or not.

 

[Svrtnsse]

I'll keep trying. One way or another I'll figure this "writing" thing out.