The worst movie ever...

[Caged Maiden]

After a recent conversation about bad movies, I recalled the worst movie I've ever seen. Many years ago my friend and I both thought we'd seen the worst movie EVER, and low and behold, the titles weren't the same. SO, we pitted our bad movies against each other... and HE won!

I challenge you all to name the worst movie you've ever seen and write a brief synopsis. (No need to stop at one!)

I'll go first.

The worst movie I've ever seen is still burned into my mind from that day so long ago... NEVER under any circumstances watch "Doom Generation".

I don't remember whether it has a plot (or anything even resembling one), but s far as I can remember, it is a string of sex scenes and psycopathic acts committed by three young people for no particular reason. Yep, that about sums it up. Awful, simply awful. Well done, Josh! You are still the winner.

 

[Kelise]

I don't think I've really ever watched really bad movies - I generally lose interest and turn them off if I'm getting bored.

Though the one I was most disappointed with, and almost watched out of the cinema from, was 'The Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow'. I don't even remember what was so bad about it, only that I went there on a date, and remember being so utterly bored out of my head that it was incredibly awkward. Looking the movie up now, it seems like something I'd enjoy. Maybe I should try it again.

That said, I went with a friend to see 10,000 BC. We expected it to be awful, but she adored Steven Strait and the asian place we wanted to have dinner at had a looong wait list to get into.
That movie was utterly hilarious. I seem to remember one scene being shot in heavy snow, and then it seemed the next minute they were in a tropical jungle, or in a long, wide stretching desert. Some girl had to be rescued. I don't remember anything else about it.

Other than that, I seem to enjoy other terrible movies. A group of us went to see that animated Star Wars thing that had young Anakan (still under Obi-Wan's teachings, yet set after the first or second movie, I think) where he takes on some girl to teach. Or something. Or maybe he wasn't still under Obi-Wan's teachings. Everyone else utterly hated it, but I was more-or-less entertained and didn't exactly hate it.

 

[Penpilot]

I'd write a synopsis for the worst movie I watched, but truthfully, it had NO story at all to condense. Really. It was 2hrs of special effects masturbation. And that movie was Transformers 2. Being a child of the 80's who grew up watching the cartoon, OMG, that movie sucked lemons. Nothing made sense. I wish I could say there were plot holes but you need a plot to say that. I could nerd-rage for pages on this, but I'll spare everyone and save my dignity.

 

[Twilight Flyer]

I'd write a synopsis for the worst movie I watched, but truthfully, it had NO story at all to condense. Really. It was 2hrs of special effects masturbation. And that movie was Transformers 2. Being a child of the 80's who grew up watching the cartoon, OMG, that movie sucked lemons. Nothing made sense. I wish I could say there were plot holes but you need a plot to say that. I could nerd-rage for pages on this, but I'll spare everyone and save my dignity.

Yeah, Michael Bay has a serious ADHD problem.

For myself, I love the sci fi channel and Saturday night B-movies are awesome. I have seen so much cheese that I've gained 30 pounds.

But I remember one movie in particular...don't remember the title, but there were three huge colliders that were brought on line all over the world to create unlimited energy. Terrorists from an oil-bearing nation blew up one of the colliders, resulting in a singularity that started small and began to grow. The movie ended when one scientist (who had been on the project for decades) said to save the world, they needed to turn the two remaining colliders up to full power and it would cancel out the singularity. The other scientist, who has been on the project for a few months, advocated turning them off. Since that was the guy that was by the switches, he turned them off.

And the world blew up.

NO survivors.

I remember laughing and saying "OK, so what was the point of that?"

Truly the dumbest plot ever.

 

[Griffin]

Usually if the movie is too bad, I just turn it off and move on to something else. The only movie I can recall right now is the 'DayBreakers.' The idea itself was interesting. Vampires ruled the world, but pretty much lived the same way we do now except at night. Whatever humans leftover were hung up like livestock and blood was taken out of them for the general population to feed on. And of course they run out of blood. Fast forward a little bit. The MC meets up with a gang of humans who have been hidden from the nasty batties. There is this one guy who used to be a vampire, but was cured. Turns out the cure for vampirism was a heavy dose of sunlight and some river water.

Long story short, the MC gets cured and the human gang attempt to put his blood (which will turn back vampires into humans) into the main blood supply. But everything goes to hell and a lot of people die.

It ends with the MC, the love interest, and the other cured guy driving off into the sunrise. The MC is like, "We now have the cure." or something. I guess I hated it because they accomplished NOTHING. All their human friends are died. They didn't succeed in curing anyone. It's like they're back at square negative 4.

 

[Steerpike]

Some of the movies mentioned above are pretty bad (I've seen them all except Doom Generation), but let's be honest, bad as they may be they don't nearly rise to the level of the worst films ever made.

I offer, by way of proof, Amazon Jail. Some guy captures women and keeps them captive in the Amazon jungle until he can sell them to rich people. The movie consists primarily of nude or semi-nude women in a bamboo cage in the Amazon or else fleeing from the men who put them in the bamboo cage in the Amazon.

"OK," some might say (not anyone here, I'm sure, but 'some' might) "there are worse things in the world than a film about partially or non-clad women running around the jungle."

In a sane world, perhaps. But the world of Amazon Jail is far from sane. The movie is mind-numbingly boring, badly edited, has little story line (and what is has is preposterous), and not a single individual in the film can act even a little bit. Probably the stupidest, and all-around worst film around.

 

[Philip Overby]

Oh, the bad movies I've seen...

Oasis of the Zombies for one. Mostly sucks because you can't see anything. It's just people stumbling in the dark. I guess they're zombies?

And Manos: Hands of Fate. The movie was so bad I think the director killed himself afterwards. Tragic, but the movie was so bad that they actually made the Mystery Science Theater: 3000 movie off of it.

For more mainstream stuff Transformers 3 was pretty awful. I actually wanted to leave the theater. Also the movie where Ryan Reynolds is trapped in a coffin. The ending, I was like, "Ugh, really?"

 

[gavintonks]

The Phantom of the Opera I slept through it is was so boring, so cannot even write a synopsis, all the men in the movie house [5 of us slept] was like a ahaha momenta

 

[Ireth]

The worst movie I can remember watching is Planet Terror. It was so bad (gory and sexual) that we turned it off after about ten minutes. All I remember is lesbians French-kissing, some guy getting castrated, and a girl losing her leg in a car accident. And possibly something about zombies? I don't even know.

 

[Ailith]

Shyamalan's The Last Airbender.

'Nuff said.

 

[Benjamin Clayborne]

Wing Commander.

It's pretty rare for me to start shouting at the screen, but Wing Commander was really that bad.

 

[Ireth]

Oooh, I forgot about The Happening. (Not surprising, since it sucked.)

 

[Hans]

The worst movie I have ever seen was some cheap fantasy movie so bad I did not even remember the name. The first halve I thought it was a parody and was pretty amused. But then it dawned to me that these guys were serious about it.
Low cost, five actors (Evil sorceress, lesbian pleasure slave, twisted advisor, barbarian hero and naive knave) and one of the most simple plots ever.
That movie really set my standard for badness. Plan nine from outer space (sometimes quoted as worst movie ever) was much better.

 

[Sheilawisz]

Inception is for me the worst movie ever!!

 

[gavintonks]

yes airbender definitely up there, something rider on fire with nicholas cage, dreadful. walle I wanted to puke, mars needs mothers, dreadful thing with retired steven segal and a virus, Avatar will head my list, battlefield earth, never watched it because it was so bad does that count? - catwoman

 

[gavintonks]

there was a movie with david bowie in a cheesy fantasy where the stallion unicorn was clearly a mare, they get some clysdales to ride over fake fire and it just goes downhill from there

 

[Penpilot]

Labyrinth ?

 

[Butterfly]

I started to watch Age of the Dragons, and managed to suffer about 15mins of it. Basically it's a fantasy retelling the tale of Moby Dick, the whale as a dragon, done very badly... at least the bit I saw.

 

[Ireth]

Gavin, I think the Nicolas Cage movie you mean is Ghost Rider.

 

[Griffin]

Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Alien, Fleshing Eating, Hellbound, Zombified Living Dead Part 2: In Shocking 2-D. (42 word count.)

Cannot remember what it was about. I think I was stuck on the title the whole time.