Worst 5 Movies of All Time

The only movie I have ever walked out on in a theater was "Punch-Drunk Love" so I will list that here. NOTE: I don't have a problem watching a serious film from a comedian. This film was just awful.

There are many others that are bad, but I generally avoid them since I can tell from the trailer or the cast/crew involved. It is rare that I can verify a terrible movie by watching it.

 

Age of hobbits-rip off of Tolkiens hobbitzes, using no acting midgets.
-So many bad ones hard to list them.

 

I may get hated on but I just don't understand how people can be obsessed with these two movies!
1) the Nightmare before Christmas
2) Bambi
Now, I watched both of them with an open mind, but with Bambi, even my little brother couldn't see any reason to grow attached to the story or characters.
With the Nightmare Before Christmas, I never gained an interest in the characters or the plot. The world and portals could have been done far better. I kept wondering when they would use the other doors to the other worlds. What's the big deal??
-rant over-

 

Oh, didn't even think to put Twilight on my list. Liked the books. Hate the movies.
Also, Hamlet. I dispise most of Shakespears tragedies. I end up rooting for the MC to die, and soon.

 

They don't usually make good movies [one notable exception is Kurosawa Throne of Blood ] but see good actors on stage giving it their all and Shakespeare can sing, fly and do all manner of wonderful things.
But I guess I'm lucky living in the UK and able to see several productions in the last few years....
As for Bambi - You have no heart - I was moved to tears when I first saw it at the age of 25...

 

1.Hunger Games
2.Expendables 1 2
3.G I Jeos 1 2
4.Iron man 1 2 3
5.Twilight series

 

Speaking of Nicholas Cage... Season of the Witch springs to mind. What a stupid film.

 

Never seen that, but I do remember hating the remake of The Wicker Man.

 

After a wasted 2 hours of my life, I must add the film adaptation of Kate Mosse's Labyrinth. Its only saving grace was John Hurt.

 

One Day... Horrible, horrible ending. It's normal to cry that hard during a movie.

Odd how hard it was to answer this question. I'm always making lists of my favorite movies.

 

1. Life of Pi
2. Life of Pi
3. Life of Pi
4. Life of Pi
5. Life of Pi

 

Hmm...

5: Dungeons & Dragons... the one done on Sci-Fi was much better.
4: Wing Commander... Projectile weapons in space? really??
3: Ishtar... Why oh why did I ever watch this pile of Shtako?
2: Treasure of the 4 Crowns...
1: ANYTHING with Kristin Stewart in it.

Now, I didn't mind the Star Wars prequels... I could have done without Jar Jar... but aside of him they were actually worthy additions to the Universe. Some of the casting could have been better, I mean a California redwood could have acted circles around Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christiensen combined. In the arena scene in Episode II, Natalie over acted a fair piece too.

Ewan though... pure awesome as Obi Wan. Sam Jackson... Liam Neeson... all excellent... but as I noted above there were some (not many) but some drawbacks.

While it wasn't released in the theater Highlander: The Source had me wishing I COULD get my money back. Highlander II was Oscar worthy in comparison.

 

Aw... I liked life of Pi...

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a violent person. But I wanted to run Jar Jar Binx over several times with a train.

 

5. After Earth

4. Prometheus

3. Star Wars: Attack of the Clones

2. Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

1. Star Wars: The Phantom Menace


Star Wars prequels. 6+ hours of people sitting on sofas discussing politics interspersed with emotionally empty spastic combat sequences. There's a reason that The Lord of the Rings was made into a movie, and The Silmarillion was not. Reading LOTR is an emotional ride, we are carried along by the struggles of Frodo and Sam and we care. Reading the Silmarillion is sort of... "Oh, neat. Melkor. Hmm... oh so that's where the elves came from. Nifty. We don't really care."

Yoda explaining the force > Qui-gon explaining the force. Meticlorids. WTF.

Prometheus... there is so much that is just plain dumb here, I can't begin to tell it all. Science undergrads would have given their time free to consult on the science accuracy on this movie. You wouldn't have had to pay them, or even given a credit. There are people who understand science and they will go see your movie. Gah.


After Earth...

I wrote a little review in another incarnation,

After Earth Review SPOILERS

After Earth, starring Jaden and Will Smith is a visually attractive science fantasy film with plenty of action. Unfortunately, the action was not enough to carry what was a highly contrived story that left me asking questions, and the questions had no good answers.

Will Smith's character Cypher Raige is a hard-ass general in some futuristic Earth colony where they fight blind alien predator creatures who smell fear by sniffing human pheromones. The upshot is that if you have no fear, you are invisible to them. That's kind of cool, a bit of a stretch, but I'll buy it.

They train to be these super hard-assed rangers who have no fear. They fight using some kind of of futuristic weapon that generates any number of super-sharp carbon blades. Maybe it's made with carbon nanotubes? I hear they can do anything. What about something that shoots, like a laser? Humanity succeeded in large part because it learned to kill things that are far away. Nevermind.

Cypher Raige (what a cool name...) has been busy kicking alien ass and he comes home to find his son, training really hard to impress him, but full of young man rage and resentment towards his dad for being absent. After a scene where he gives his wife a marble...? she chides him, resulting in his decision to bring his son on his next mission. He claims he intends to retire after this one so he can spend more time with his family. This guy is so awesome, if only he can connect with his son. This might be their chance. I felt kind of happy for the son at that point. It really is a nice relationship they have, if only it were more believable.

The problems begin early on. There are some massively obvious setups for future emotional tugs that they lose all their their emotional charge.

Through a set unfortunate space travel circumstances they accidentally get stuck in an asteroid field, bust up the ship, that happens to have one of the human hunter monsters on board (for training purposes), and they end up on old Earth that was evacuated. They crash land on Earth.

Now, for some unexplained reason, the Earth animals have evolved to hunt humans, who haven't been there for a really long time because the air is now hard to breathe...? Okay. The only two survivors are General Cypher, his son, and apparently the human killing, fear smelling monster. I started to smell something at this point in the movie, and it wasn't fear.

So, Cypher's leg is broken, and the beacon to call for help is busted, but there's another in the tail of the ship, which is 4 days travel there and back, and they have exactly 4 days of "Earth atmosphere breathing capsules they drink"... It's so contrived it starts to hurt your brain.

So, young Kitai Raige sets out, and luckily they have some video surveillance bots, that nobody ever sees, his dad at the crashed head of the spaceship can see what his son is doing. Why didn't they have any that could go and get the beacon? Those would be very handy robots to have. Anyways...

It just goes from bad to worse. Young Kitai escapes killer monkeys and then a giant eagle. He tries to save the eagle's 12 or so hatchlings from tree climbing super lions, and that's when he makes a friend.

Now for some unexplained reason, the Earth goes super freezing every night at sundown. Yet, the plants survive and all the animals too. We must assume they all burrow. Young Kitai gets stuck outside and almost freezes, but luckily his bird friend comes and rescues him, makes a nest and puts the near-frozen Kitai inside and then sacrifices itself to keep him warm, so he can get to the tail of the spaceship. Kitai gives the dead giant eagle a pat to thank it for saving him.

I have to stop from the dumbness of this movie to ask a few little questions that cropped up.

How long have people been away from earth? They said it was like 1000 years. Not nearly enough time for animals to evolve like this.
What could cause the Earth to get so cold at night? It looks like they are in the rain forest, and okay, the leaves curl up a bit... but what causes it? Is the Earth in a strange wobble now? Is the night so long that it gets that cold? But no, it seems like regular time. Maybe something to do with the air change - that humans can't breathe well but the animals can...maybe humans borked something up? But wouldn't other mammals die? Or maybe humans were bio-engineered to survive on the new planet which made breathing on the old planet difficult? I dunno.

How did all the species of Earth "evolve to kill humans"?
Did the enemy aliens do that?
If humans have been away for so long, how did all the animals remember that they were evolved to hunt humans?
Did anyone writing this movie understand anything about evolution?

It just goes on. I won't ruin the end, but it doesn't matter because you can always see it coming.

The action was good. It was tense.

The visuals were good. Too good. At one point Kitai enters a cave, and there are lovely lava rivers flowing here, and a forest of giant crystals there. Very lovely. The gadgets were okay.

The beacon, what they were looking for, is more than a radio beacon. It shoots a bolt of light like Tron talking to the user, out into space, like a light from God himself. Quite a nice design for an emergency beacon. If you were ever trapped on a planet, you'd want a spectacular light show. Where the energy comes from, it isn't clear.

Emotionally two-dimensional. Nice gadgets, the weapon thingy? Did I already mention that?

It was bad. Very, very bad. 1 star out of 5.

 

Life of Pi... hmm, though he only lived a scant 3.14 years it seemed to go on forever...

 

-RIPD

-I, Frankenstein

-Batman and Robin

- Sharknado (So bad it's great XD)

-X-Men First Class

 

That last one's a bit out of left field. I thought the general consensus is that it was good.

 

Birdemic - easily.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzV8Q2fsN0o