Share your jokes.

[The Unseemly]

I had a look around for a similar topic, but couldn't find one. So, why not, I said? Come out, come out wherever you are, and post a joke on this thread.

As always, these jokes are to be family friendly, and not offensive to anybody of any ethnicity/race/culture etc. See how compliant mods. are about swearing in these jokes.

Anyway: one to start off with:


Why were E.T.'s eyes so big?

Because he saw his phone bill.

 

[Ireth]

I have a couple. ^^

Q: What happened when the ship carrying a cargo of red paint collided with the ship carrying a cargo of blue paint?
A: Both crews were marooned.

Two owls are sitting on a perch. One says to the other, "Do you smell fish?"

 

[Sparkie]

Q: What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?

A: "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service"

 

[Sparkie]

This is a cute joke, of sorts.

 

[advait98]

Q: What do you call people who like tractors?

A: Protractors.

Q: Why was the computer cold?

A: It left its Windows open.

And that's all from my stash of geek jokes.

 

[Chilari]

Q: What do you call someone who used to like tractors?

A: An extractor fan.

 

[CupofJoe]

Last night I dreamt that I wrote The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings, but then I woke up and realised I was just Tolkien in my sleep...

Can't remember where I heard this one...

 

[Aidan of the tavern]

Q: What do you call someone who used to like tractors?

A: An extractor fan.

Beat me to it .

 

[Penpilot]

Never judge a man before you've walked a mile in their shoes... because then you're a mile away and you now have their shoes.

 

[teacup]

Why do elves have big ears?

Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

 

[The Unseemly]

Which reminds me. You know whenever your computer does something unfortunate, and you get one of those confusing/pointless error messages? In Japan, they replaced them with a few Haiku poems:

Yesterday it was working
Today it is not
Windows is like that

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and loss of data
Guess which has occurred

The snowy white
This thousand dollar screen
Dies so beautifully

Error, error, error
I am the blue screen of death
No one hears your screams

That's all I can remember...

 

[Ireth]

What did Darth Vader say to Slenderman?

"I find your lack of face disturbing."

 

[Androxine Vortex]

My little brother told me this,

Why did the clown have mushrooms growing out of his head?



Because he was a "fun guy"

 

[CupofJoe]

Clones are people two